I am tired of being strong.

Life throws you unexpected things. Today, my plan was to send my son to the school and clean the kitchen. I usually feel good after cleaning the house. It is as if I have thrown all the unwanted things out of my life. Crazy, I know. But that is how I feel.  As I was getting my son ready to school, the power went off. I waited till 11 o clock for the power to return and then decided there was no use sitting in the house. I had to collect medicines for my son, so decided to take my scooter and finish the same. As I was waiting for the signal to turn green, I realized I would actually be driving past my old organization, the one where I started my career. I then thought of P, my friend. I thought it would be nice to meet him. So while returning I called him and decided to meet.

It has been more than two years since we had met. But we started from where we had left. The time made no difference. He asked the usual question, “How are you?” If not for him, I would have answered, “I am fine / ok / good.” But with him I just open my heart. I do not have to think twice before answering anything. I guess it comes from the confidence that even without answering he would actually understand how I feel. I thought for a split second and answered “I am living somehow”. And really that is the truth.

I am actually tired of my life; tired of being strong; tired of being mature. I do not want to take any decisions, neither for me nor for anyone else. I do not want to smile at people and say I am good and I can take care of everything, when the truth is I would appreciate some help. Simple, I do not want to drive my life for some time. I wish I could find the driver whom I can trust and follow. I want to be passive. I do not even know if this is a good sign.

We spoke for 15 minutes and then I left because I had to pick my son from school. I came back home and realized this is what I am missing from life. A friend to whom I can open my heart without any mask. I need to be strong at home for my husband and son. I need to be strong before my parents and in-laws else it disturbs their health. With P, I have nothing to hide. I felt lighter after speaking to him.

And nothing beats face-to-face communication. The gentle smile, the touch, and eye contact cannot be replaced by phone, facebook, or any other messenger. I am glad I could actually find some time to meet him.

Long live P and friends like him.

This is what birthdays are for

Just when I was drained physically, mentally and emotionally after fighting with who else but the husband and giving my baby fever drugs every four hours, I forgot about my birthday and was really in no intention to celebrate the same.

But when I see a missed call early in the day from a US number, there is an involuntary smile in the face. Though the number is new, I can recognise the face of the caller. Then one by one, all my close friends call and what was supposed to be a dull day becomes an energetic one with lots of good vibes. In this world of mails and FB messages, its great to hear friends voice. :)

Now, I understand, this is what birthdays are for - To refresh your mind and give you a fresh start.

Thanks my buddies. Love you all!!!

Farewell – Thanks & Good Bye

Farewell mail that I sent today to my colleagues.

Apprehensive about first job,
But confident about myself,
I landed at XXXX four years back.

Days of deadlines followed,
Pressures built up,
I was thrown into this world of IT.

When the going became tough,
I struggled to meet my own standards,
Caring colleagues, Loving friends restored my confidence.

Before I could realize,
I found the roles reversed,
As enthusiastic people joined the team.

As time went on,
With so many opportunities coming my way,
I grew personally and professionally.

I shifted teams,
Expanded my wings,
Learning new things every day.

Taking all these experiences,
I move ahead in life,
To continue my learning process.

Thanks for being there,
To support me,
And help me become what I am today.

I say good bye,
Wishing you all
lots of success and happiness!!

தலைவனாய் மாறிய நண்பன்

First time I saw you,

I knew you will be my friend.

We said Hello and smiled,

We chatted over lunch and snacks,

We shared our interests and problems,

We criticized every show on TV,

We talked God, prayers and Hinduism,

We discussed marriage and relationship;

Every time I saw you,

I told you my problems,

I cried to you,

I felt your warmth,

I felt better,

I was happy to spend time with you;

Every time I see you,

You are the care taker,

You perform every responsibility of yours with ease,

You look like Head of the family,

You are becoming my role model.

No plan is the best plan

Sometimes how much ever you plan for something to happen, it just does not work. And then the same thing happens totally unexpectedly.

What do you call those? Life's unexpected moments they are.

Today was one such day for me.

Last month when I went to Chennai, one of the things I soooooooo….. wanted to do was meet J. She is at such an important phase of life and I was so excited to meet her. But as luck would have it, I just could not find time to meet her. Weekends both of us were busy and weekdays I had to go to office. So, the meeting never happened.

I was disappointed and told myself – "Expectation leads to disappointment".

And today morning, as I was doing my household chores, I got a call from an unknown number. Guess who?? It was J. She called me from Chennai airport and she was coming to Bangalore. (I guess she was not sure about the trip until the last moment and hence waited until she reached the airport :) ) How could I miss another opportunity to meet her??

So, I left from office early (should I say very early? It was 2:30 PM when I left :) Never mind.) and reached the hotel where she stayed. I was so happy to meet her. And we chatted for a couple of hours and I tell you, "When friends meet after a long time, hours seem like minutes :("

I think some days "No plan is the best plan, because you can accommodate anything to your schedule." :)

Take care buddy!! God bless you!!

Time and Distance

அன்பாய் அவள் பேச,
ஆசையாய் அவன் கேட்க,
ஆறு மையில் தூரமோ அரை அடியாய் போனதடி,
அரை மணி நேரமோ ஒரு நொடியாய் ஆனதடி.

Dedicated to my friend who is getting married in November...

She sent a mail to our friends group inviting all of us to her marriage. As the conversation proceeded, one of the friends asked her for a treat and she did not reply for a few hours. So, people started inquiring about her absence and I replied - "We should wait until US sleeps, so that she could reply to us". (Her to-be-husband is in US currently) That is when I thought of the above lines. :)

PS: As mentioned in one of my earlier posts, my knowledge of Tamil is very limited and hence all grammatical / language errors need to be overlooked... :)

Bindhu!!

Walking on air!!!

How does it feel to be appreciated? Feels good.

And if it happens to be a skill which you are not confident? Just what you want.

And if you are appreciated in consecutive days? You feel great.

And if you are also recommended to others? You are on cloud nine.

That's exactly what happened last weekend.

Saturday:

Last week one of my friends from Chennai had come to Bangalore on an official visit. I had invited her to my house. She promised to come on Saturday for lunch. But she wanted Pradeep, our friend to accompany her. Why Kamala wanted Pradeep to accompany is still a mystery to me? I think I know Pradeep well to say he would have definitely denied her request at first. Anyway, she called me on Saturday, after I had completed preparing the food, and informed me Pradeep is also coming. I was surprised (should I say shocked).

The menu for the day was pudalangai kootu, vazhakai poriyal, rasam, more and appalam. I could not have prepared anything else given that nothing else was stocked in the fridge. J

So, Kamala and Pradeep had lunch at my home and surprisingly they liked it. J Kamala liked the kootu very much while Pradeep prepared rasam (without tomatoL). I was HAPPY. J

Sunday:

My brother had made the trip to Hosur for some official work and had come to my home on Sunday. I had prepared all his favourite dishes. He loves Chow Chow pulipu kootu and adai and that was the menu on Sunday. And he liked it. J Additionally, I had got a shirt for him which was also great on him. JJ

As the blog reflects, I am a loner. I love being alone. So, rarely do I have friends at home. And this weekend was such a change and I just loved the way I played the host on both days. I hope they also enjoyed their time at my place. Now that my culinary skills are approved, I would like to play the host frequently. JJJ You all are invited.