First Kiss...

I got my first kiss today! (Do I need to mention from whom it was??? Anyway, in case you thought of anyone other than my son, I will be doubly delighted… he he) Well… It was not actually a kiss. I was playing with him by making sounds on his stomach. He was very happy and was laughing so much. Suddenly, he hugged me and licked my cheek. I think that is his version of kiss… (My boy, I think you made a mistake by kissing me first. I will keep reminding you for the rest of your life that I was the first girl you kissed. :) )

In other news, I re-read my last post and realized one major mistake that I have done. AK is diagnosed with mild ADHD. I missed the word mild. What a big mistake! Today, I took him for the therapy session and he responded well… He still does not play with a toy for more than 2 minutes but in general played with all the toys for close to 20-25 minutes. The psychologist told me that his eye-contact is much better than the first day.

At home also, I can feel the differences. If I say hello and give him my hand and shake it before right in front of his eyes, he holds my hand in response sometimes. Earlier, he just ignored my commands. I do not know if it is because of the conscious effort put in by me and MIL or it is just happening naturally. Whatever may be the reason, I hope the progress continues.

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While typing the first paragraph on kiss, I remembered the incident that happened on Valentines day. It was a normal day for me and I went to office, finished my work and left office at around 5 p.m. I was waiting for lift to come down. When the lift opened, there was only one guy inside and he was smiling at me. His smile was so bright and I just had to respond. I then entered the lift and stood such that he was behind me. I was wondering what made him smile. When the lift reached ground floor, I came out first and the guy followed me and then overtook me and was walking as if he is controlling not to run. The smile was still present on his face. And then at the gate, I saw a girl with a bunch of roses. The guy went to her, hugged her for a few seconds and then they kept looking in to each other’s eyes. A minute later they realized the surroundings and walked hand-in-hand.

There was bright smile in my face and I stopped an auto and the autowala smiled at me. :) That’s the power of love, isn’t it?

Good night folks!

I realise....

Its more difficult to take a grand son away from grand parents than leaving your parents...
How should I react if all my relatives call me and cry over phone because I am taking away their loved grand son to Bangalore today?

Let me also add, these are the people who did not cry during my marriage.

Its even more difficult as I know that these grand parents love my son and will take care of him better than me.

I just hope I come back to Chennai soon and let my son enjoy their love and affection.

Past, Present, and Future

Disc: Long post alert.

For all those who had decided that this blog is dead, let me just say “Better luck next time.” (And next time may actually come very soon…. :)) And thanks to H for making me write this post. Else I don't think I would have written two lines.

Ok. So why no updates for a looooong time. Simple, straight forward reason. I was plain lazy. There were a zillion things in my head but when you are at mom’s place, there are more important things like trying out new dishes with your dad, eating all your favorite dishes that mom makes, chatting non stop over absolutely useless things, sleeping without switching on the alarm, watching TV, fighting with your brother, and the list goes on………… So, my blog obviously took a back seat.

But then, today is an important day. Since my baby has decided not to trouble me by giving any sort of pain until now, my doctor has asked me to get admitted today evening. My mental state can be easily described as a combination of tension, nervousness, fear, confusion, trust in the Almighty, expectation, happiness, and a few other feelings which can not be described. (Now, wasn’t that an easy description :)) I have no idea how today is going to change my life or what to expect from tomorrow. So, I guess today is the right time to tell you all how last few months have been wonderful and welcome the baby in the tummy to the outside world.

I had written a post earlier on how to appreciate the unexpected things in life. The pregnancy made me realize how beautiful the world is if you really make an effort to look at the positive aspects of life.

- I am sure every girl will realize that their parents are the best in the whole universe. Words are truly not enough to describe that feeling. The bond between the daughter and parents reaches a new level altogether. Dad and mom, I love you lots and can’t wait to see you become grandparents. [I also know that I will be totally ignored from tomorrow. I am getting mentally prepared for it :(]

- My parents had moved to a new house last year. This meant I do not know any of the neighbors. But how do you feel, when one fine day one of the neighbors come home and give you sweet vada (the first time I ate vada that was sweet and it was yummy) just because you are pregnant and you may like them. And another neighbor beings you flowers from nearest temple, and another gives you sevai to eat because you may like them. Truly people, I feel blessed. God bless these lovely souls.

- And what about the neighbor kid who is 2 years old and comes and asks me everyday how the papa is doing. And every time she ate a chocolate, she gave one to me so that paapa can taste it. :) [Yes, I dutifully ate it to let my paapa taste. :)]

- All those relatives of yours, who would have spoken to you 10 times in 25 years, call you every week to check how you are doing and offer help at any time. I really never thought these can happen. [It’s another story that me and my mom think there might be some other motive behind this. But let us ignore that for now.]

- And before I left Bangalore, my neighbor invited me home for dinner and gave me bangles, flowers and all those traditional things and gave me a proper farewell. What made them show such unconditional love? I can only wonder.

What can I say? Life just feels great. A new beginning is in store for me and I hope and pray that my baby continue to receive such love all through his life. (For people who read between the lines, let me clarify I do not know the gender yet.)

Last few days have been very tension filled. Everything seems normal. Baby has descended and is in correct position. Baby’s growth is normal. But I experience no pain, which actually has surprised the doctor. So, I have been taking long walks, eating things that might trigger pain, praying continuously. But nothing has worked.

But, today seems different. I guess I have the correct attitude now. As they try to induce pain medically, I hope pain starts and progresses and I am able to deliver the baby normally. Even otherwise, I know that whatever happens, God and doctors decide what is best for me and the baby, and I am ready to accept it. Fingers crossed though.

And how can I end this post without welcoming my baby.

Dear Kutty,

You have made me experience so much love and affection this year. If this is how life is even before I see you, I can’t imagine how future is going to be.

I hope I am able to love you the same way.

Meet you soon.

Love,

Mom

PS: People who read this today, please keep me in your prayers.

Kids are the best I say!

Kids are the best mood-shifters. They have the magic wand to make you jump from a bad mood to happiness.

Imagine a dull Saturday, you are in one of your sulkiest best and with lot of effort move out of your home to a nearby temple just to get some fresh air and at least make your body active. Walk as leisurely as possible, reach the temple, ask the Lord the same stupid question – "Why it happens only to me?", do a few rounds of the temple, feel exhausted, and decide to sit in one corner and look at the sky brooding over something.

You see a few images of people walking past you, of someone looking at you, someone waving at you but nothing is registered in the mind. And then suddenly someone pats at your shoulders, you turn back and look at a kid showing you 4 teeth and waving "Bye" at you. It takes a moment for you to come back to this world. You look at the kid, without thinking hug the kid, give a kiss, and then wave a happy and loud "Bye." Oh wonderful!!! :)

So, you are now happy and walk faster back home noticing all the kids playing and one small girl comes near you and says "Hi Akka!!!" Akka it is!!! After being called 'aunty' and 'maami' (that too on the day of marriage) for two years, it feels great that someone still considers me "akka." No prizes for guessing, I kissed the kid and said "Hi kutty…." :) Life is lovely I say…

கேள்வியும் நாமே பதிலும் நாமே

கூட்டத்தில் நிற்க்கும் போது உன்னை கண் சிமிட்டாமல் பார்க்கும் நான்
கண் முன் நீ நிற்கும் பொது தலை குனிந்து போவது ஏன்?

இத்தனை நாள் உனது அழகில் பூரித்த நான்
இன்று உனது வெட்கத்தில் மயங்கியே போகிறேனடி!!

தலையணை கட்டிக்கொண்டு உன்னிடம் ஆயிரம் விஷயம் பேசும் நான்
உனது ஒரு கேள்விக்கு பதில் சொல்ல தலை மட்டும் அசைப்பது ஏன்?

மௌனம் என்ற மொழியை கற்று கொடுக்கும் உனக்கு
எனது இதயத்தின் மொழி கேட்டும் மறைப்பதேனடி!!

மனதின் சந்தோஷத்தை உன்னிடம் சொல்ல ஓடோடி வரும் நான்
உனது நண்பனிடம் சொல்லிவிட்டு அவன் உன்னிடம் சொல்வான் என திரும்புவது ஏன்?

நீ பக்கம் வந்தாலே சந்தோஷ படும் என்னை
இப்படி சந்தோஷத்துடன் ஓடி வந்து கொல்வதேனடி!!

உன் வாழ்த்துக்கு நன்றி என்ற ஒரு வார்த்தை சொல்லும் நான்
நாள் முழுதும் மனதிலும் இதழிலும் புன்னகை புரிவது ஏன்?

உனது முகத்தை மனதில் பத்திரபடுத்தி இருக்கும் நான்
உனது புன்னகையின் காரணத்தையும் உணர்வேனடி!!

இப்படி ஆயிரம் கேள்வி எனக்குள் கேட்கும் நான்
அதன் பதில் காதல் என ஒத்துகொல்லாதது ஏன்?

உன்னை காதலிக்கிறேன் என்று நான் சொன்ன உடன்
உண்மையை மறைக்க முயன்று தோற்று போவதேனடி!!

இரண்டாம் சந்திப்பு

ரமேஷ் எப்பொழுதும் போல் தீவரமாக தனது வேலையை செய்துகொண்டிருக்க அவனது தொலைபேசி சிணுங்கியது. அழைத்தது நம்பன் பரத் என்று தெரிந்ததும் உற்சாகமாய் "ஹே பரத்" என்றான். ஆனால் இரண்டு நொடிகளில் அவனது முகம் மாறியது. மனதில் ஒரே படபடப்பு. என்ன செய்வதென்று தெரியாமல் தவித்தான். தனது கம்ப்யூட்டர்ஐ லாக் செய்துட்டு, தனது அலுவலகத்தின் மாடிக்கு சென்றான். இரண்டு நொடியில் அடுத்து என்ன செய்யவேண்டும் என்று முடிவு செய்தான். இன்று புதன் கிழமை. எனவே அடுத்த இரண்டு நாள் லீவ் போட முடிவு செய்தான். உடனே தனது மேலாளர்க்கு தகவல் சொல்லி அவரது அனுமதி பெற்றான். பின்பு பரத்துக்கு போன் செய்தோன்.

"ஹலோ ரமேஷ் சொல்லு டா"
"நான் இனிக்கு நைட் சென்னை போறேன். Monday தான் வருவேன் டா." உருக்கமான குரலில் ரமேஷ் கூறினான்.
"நல்லா யோசிச்சு தான் நீ முடிவு பண்ணிற்பனு நம்பறேன் டா. "
".........."
"அப்ப நான் கோபிக்கு கால் பண்ணி நீ நாளைக்கு வரேன்னு சொல்றேன். நீ அவனோட தங்கிகோ. "
"thanks டா. "
"என்ன பிரச்சன வந்தாலும் கால் பண்ணு டா. "
"I will take care டா."
தனது இருக்கைக்கு வந்து அன்று இரவு ரயிலில் டிக்கெட் புக் செய்தான். இரவு உணவு சாப்பிட்டு ரயில் ஏறினான். ரயிலில் இருந்த வெறுமை அவனை ஏதோ செய்யது. தனது இருக்கையில் படுத்து கொண்டு கண் மூடினான். உறக்கம் அவனை நெருங்கவில்லை. கண் முன்னாடி அவளது முகம். மனதில் அவளது நினைப்பு.

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ரமேஷும் புவனாவும் ஒரே கல்லூரியில் ஒரே வகுப்பில் படித்தார்கள். இருவருக்கும் இசையின் மீதிருந்த ஆர்வம் அவர்களை நண்பர்களாய் ஆக்கியது. கல்லூரியில் நடந்த அணைத்து இசை போட்டியிலும் அவர்கள் இருவரும் பாட, அவர்கள் குரல்கள் முதலில் சங்கமித்து. அவள் தனது பாட்டை பற்றி மட்டும் யோசிக்காமல் எல்லோரின் பாட்டும் நன்றாக வர வேண்டும் என்று நினைப்பாள். "இந்த தடவ உன் பாட்டு ரொம்ப சூப்பர் ஆக இருக்கனும். உனக்கு தான் முதல் பரிசு கிடைக்கணும்" என்று ரமேஷிடம் சொன்னாள்.

இதுவரை பட்டு பாடுவதை பொழுது போக்காய் நினைத்த ரமேஷ்க்கு அவளது வார்த்தை உற்சாகத்தை அளித்தது. தன் மேல் அக்கறை காட்டும் அவள் வருத்தப்பட கூடாது என்று நினைத்தான். தனது பாட்டை மெருகேத்தினான். இப்படியே நாட்கள் நகர, ரமேஷும் புவனாவும் ஜோடியாய் சென்றால் வெற்றி என்ற பேச்சு கல்லூரி முழவதும் பரவியது. அந்த வார்த்தைகளை ரமேஷும் நம்பினான்.

அவள் வார்த்தை அவனுக்கு உயிரளிக்க,
வெற்றியின் பாதையில் அவனை கொண்டு செல்ல,
நட்பு காதலாய் மாறுவதை அவன் உணர்ந்தான்.

ஒரு நாள் ரமேஷ் தனது காதலை புவனா விடம் கூற முடிவு செய்தான். புவனா அடுத்த போட்டிக்காக தயார் செய்த பாடலை பாடி மனப்பாடம் செய்து கொண்டிருந்தாள்.

"புவனா..."
அவளது கையில் இருந்த பாட்டு புத்தகத்தை பார்த்து கொண்டு "ஹ்ம்ம்..." என்றாள்.
"நீ என்கூட பாட அரம்பிச்சதுலேந்து, I think I have improved a lot."
"அதெலாம் இல்லே. அதெலாம் உன் திறமை..." புத்தகத்தில் இருந்து அவள் பார்வை விலக வில்லை.
"என் திறமைய எனக்கு முழுசா நீ தான் காட்டின ...."
"ok then. I am happy... " புன்னகையுடன் கூறினாலும் பார்வை மட்டும் புத்தகத்திலே இருந்துது.

"எனக்கு கெடச்ச வெற்றிக்கெல்லாம் நீ தான் முக்கிய காரணம்...."
"ஹே என்ன ஆச்சு உனக்கு... ஏன் இப்படிலாம் பேசற... come lets practise...". புவனா பாட தொடங்கினாள்.
"இந்த மாதிரி வாழ்கை பூரா நீ என்கூட இருந்தா, I will be the luckiest..."
"என்ன சொல்ற நீ...."
"I want you to be with me......... I think I have fallen in love with you...."
"............." வார்த்தைகள் இல்லை, ஆனால் அவளின் பார்வையில் ஒரு அதிர்ச்சி.
"ஏதாவது தப்பா சொல்லிடேனா?"

"............."

"என்னாச்சு?"
"தெரியல... நீ நல்லா பாடணும்னு நான் நெனெச்சேன்... அவ்ளோதான்... நீ சொல்ற மாதிரிலாம் நான் யோசிக்கல."
"அப்ப என்கூட எப்பயும் இருக்க மாட்டேன்னு சொல்றியா?"
"நான் இருந்தாலும் இல்லேனாலும் உன் மியூசிக் இருக்கணும்னு சொல்றேன். அவ்ளோதான். I have not thought about my future."

அவனது இசை அவளை ஈர்க்க,
அந்த இசையை எல்லோரும் ரசிக்க
அவள் கொடுத்த உற்சாகம்,

காதலாய் மாறுவதை அவள் உணர வில்லை போலும்.

"உன்கூட எப்பவும் இருப்பேன் சொல்லேன்..."
"I am not feeling comfortable. I am leaving bye... "
"ஏதாவது ஒரு பதில் சொல்லிட்டு போ புவனா..."
"என்ன தனியா விட்டுடு.... please"

அன்று முதல் அவன் அவளிடம் எதுவும் பேசவில்லை... ஆனால் ரமேஷால் அவளை மறக்க முடியவில்லை. அவளிடம் பேசாமல் இருந்தானே தவிர, அவளுக்கு பிடித்த அவனது குரலை மெருகேற்ற தவறவில்லை... இப்படியே வருஷங்கள் ஓடின.

சில மாதங்களுக்கு முன்னால், அவள் வேலை பார்க்கும் அலுவலகத்தில் தான் அவனது நண்பன் பரத்தின் நண்பன், கோபி வேலை செய்கிறான் என்று தெரிய வந்தது. அதனால் அவளை பற்றி அடிக்கடி அவன் கோபியிடம் கேட்டு தெரிந்து கொண்டான்.

"ஹாய் கோபி..."
"ஹாய் சுரேஷ்... எப்படி இருக்க?"
"நான் நல்ல இருக்கேன் டா. நீ எப்படி இருக்க?"
"I am good டா.. புவனாவும் நல்லா இருக்கா." சுரேஷ் கேக்க நினைத்ததை கேட்காமலேயே கோபி அவன் எதிர் பார்த்த பதில் அளித்தான்.
"சரி டா. வேற ஒன்னும் விஷயம் இல்லே. அப்றமா call பண்றேன். Take care."
இப்படி தான் அவர்கள் தொடர்பு இருக்கும்.

இன்று காலை பரத் அவனிடம் கூறியது - "புவனாவின் அப்பா இறந்துடாராம். அதனால அவ ஆபீஸ்கு 15 நாள் வரலையாம். நாளைக்கு தான் dutyla join பண்ராலாம்."

************************************************************

ரயில் சென்னை வந்து சேர, ரமேஷ் தனது கண்களில் ஓரத்தில் இருந்த கண்ணீர் துளிகளை தொடைத்து கொண்டு, கோபியின் வீட்டை நோக்கி புறப்பட்டான். குளித்து முடித்து ஹோட்டல் சென்று இரண்டு தோசை சாபிட்டான். காலை மணி 8:30 ஆனது. புவனா வேலை செய்யும் அலுவலகத்துக்கு சென்றான். அவள் எப்பொழுதும் போல் 9:00 மணிக்கு வருவாள் என்று தெரியும். அவளது அலுவலகத்தை நெருங்கின பொது, ஒரு நொடி மனம் பட பட என்று அடித்தது. தனது உணர்ச்சிகளை அவளிடம் வெளிபடுத்த கூடாது என்று மனதில் நிச்சயம் செய்தான். அவளுக்கு தன்னால் முடிந்த வரை மன உறுதிய அளிக்க முடிவு செய்தான்.

உள்ளே சென்றான். அங்கு இருந்த பெண்ணிடம், புவனாவின் பெயரை சொல்லி, அவளை பார்க்க வேண்டும் என்று சொன்னான். அந்த பெண் புவனாவிடம் - "You have a visitor at the lobby" என்றாள். புவனா கீழே இறங்கி வந்தாள். அங்கே ரமேஷை பார்த்ததும், இத்தனை வருடமாய் அவள் மனதில் தேக்கி வெய்த உணர்வுகள் எல்லாம் அவள் கண்களில் கண்ணீராய் வெளிவர, அவள் அவனை நெருங்கினாள். ரமேஷ் அவளை வெளியில் அழைத்து சென்றான்.

"ரமேஷ்....." புவனாவால பேச முடியல
ஒரு குழந்தை போல் அவள் அவன் தோள் மேல் சாய்ந்தாள்.
ரமேஷின் கண்களில் கண்ணீர். இருவரும் இரண்டு நிமிடம் எதுவும் பேசாமல் தனது உணர்ச்சிகளை கொட்டினர்.
"சாப்டியா?" ரமேஷ் புவனாவை பார்த்து கேட்டான்.
இல்லை என்று அவள் தலை அசைத்தாள்.
"சரி வா. சாப்ட்டு வருவோம்."
"....."
இருவரும் 5 நிமிடம் மௌனமாய் நடந்தார்கள். அருகில் இருந்த ஹோட்டலுக்கு சென்று அவன் அவளுக்காக தோசை வாங்கினான்.
'சாப்பிடு."
"நீ சாப்டியா?"
"ஹ்ம்ம்..."
அவள் சாப்பிட, அவன் அவளது ஈர கண்களை பார்த்தான். அந்த நொடியில் முடிவு செய்தான் - 'இனி ஒரு நாள் அவள் இப்படி இருக்க கூடாதென்று.'
"ரொம்ப thanks ரமேஷ்." கண்களில் கண்ணீர்.
"வேண்டாம் புவனா. ஏற்கனமே என்னால முடியலே. உன்ன இப்படி 15 நாள் தனியா விட்டத நெனச்சா ...." அவன் தலை குனிந்தான்.
"உண்மையா ரமேஷ், இப்படி யார்கிட்டயாவது அழனும் போல இருந்தது...........ஆனா........ ஆனா யாரும் கூட இல்லே. ஏதோ எனக்குனு யாரும் இல்லாத மாதிரி..... அம்மாக்கு தைரியம் சொன்னேன். அவங்கள பாத்துகிட்டேன். ஆனா உள்ளே அழுதுட்டு இருந்தேன். உன்ன பாத்ததும் முடியலேடா...." விசும்பலுக்கு இடையே அவள் பேசினாள்.
"இனி உன்னை இப்படி தனியா விட மாட்டேன். நீயே என்ன போக சொன்னாலும்..."
அவள் அவனை பார்த்தாள்.
அந்த நொடியில் அவளும் முடிவு செய்தால் - 'இவனை விட்டு இனி நீங்குவதில்லை என்று.'

அவன் இசையின் இனிமையை ரசித்த அவள்,
அவனது மனதின் இனிமையை உணர,
கண்கள் இரண்டும் பேசிகொண்டன...
மௌனத்தின் துணையுடன்.

Edited to add: Pat on the back for me. this is my 50th post.
PS: Kindly let me know in case of any mistakes.

Time and Distance

அன்பாய் அவள் பேச,
ஆசையாய் அவன் கேட்க,
ஆறு மையில் தூரமோ அரை அடியாய் போனதடி,
அரை மணி நேரமோ ஒரு நொடியாய் ஆனதடி.

Dedicated to my friend who is getting married in November...

She sent a mail to our friends group inviting all of us to her marriage. As the conversation proceeded, one of the friends asked her for a treat and she did not reply for a few hours. So, people started inquiring about her absence and I replied - "We should wait until US sleeps, so that she could reply to us". (Her to-be-husband is in US currently) That is when I thought of the above lines. :)

PS: As mentioned in one of my earlier posts, my knowledge of Tamil is very limited and hence all grammatical / language errors need to be overlooked... :)

Bindhu!!

Oscillating mind

Being in Bangalore,

Under the care of my husband,

I keep thinking of you,

And pray for your happiness.

Miss you dad & mom.

When I am in Chennai,

Surrounded by love and affection from my parents,

I keep thinking of you,

And every time you say the food was not good,

I feel guilty.

Not a day passes without me feeling bad,

Thinking I have not fulfilled my role,

Either as a daughter or as a wife,

Is it the way all women feel?

I believe this dilemma will end,

When my brother really grows,

And provides emotional and physical support,

I hope the day comes soon.

Lifeless Flowers

He could not see her eyes. He felt his body twist and those emotions he had controlled for the past few years wanting to come out of him. He met her accidentally today at a mall and she invited him to her home. It's been 5 years since they had met. "Time flies" he thought to himself. He was avoiding her eyes and was looking at her new home. He thought – "The house was so much like her". It has a sense of calmness around. He saw the paintings that decorated the house and remembered the moments from the past when he had commented and made fun of them. It brought a smile to his face.

They had a normal conversation trying to understand what they had been up to for the last 5 years. He told her about his new job and the reason for the change. She encouraged him with her positive words and wished him best. He asked her about her job and she told him that she joined this company a year back. She said she liked her job and it was satisfying.

After a few minutes, she asked him if he wanted tea or coffee. He said "Coffee" and she replied "Strong Coffee" with a smile. "She still remembers my likings", he thought. When she went inside to prepare coffee, he walked towards those new and old paintings. He reached the door of her bedroom and from outside he saw a photo of a man with flowers on it. He was shocked. He did not know how to respond. The last time he saw her was at her reception and she was accompanied by the man in the photo.

She came with two cups of coffee and they continued their conversations about life. He was feeling uncomfortable and wanted to leave as early as possible. He finished his coffee and told her that his friend is waiting for him. He wished her good luck and reached his home.

He was reliving his past and thought about the day when he was impressed by her.

He was new to the team and they were having lunch together. He was mostly a silent spectator.

In one of those conversations, a team member was referring to the new silver flowers that she had bought. She was adding to the advantages of using these silver flowers. She said that the silver flowers are great. It is an one time investment. You need not but the ordinary flowers every day to do pooja. And the time it took the clean the pooja room is also less. And everyone seemed to like the idea.

"It is not about natural or silver flowers, it is about the time spent with the God. If I want to reduce that precious time, I would look at these silver flowers. I love the natural flowers and changing these flowers every day shows my love and devotion towards God." – She replied.

He loved her reply and as days went by, he was in love with her.

He again saw the photo in his mind and did not know if the paper flowers on the photo reflects her loveless past. He was confused if he should feel sorry for her past or present.

Together ever

It was a rainy day and the clock was showing 5:30 PM. As usual Shyam completed his work for the day and was waiting for the clock to tick 8. He had a call with his US counterparts at 8. Last 2 years, his work has been his life. He came to office early. Planned his work meticulously and ensured he had completed his work before 6 PM. He then waited for the onsite calls to happen and went home satisfied.

The results for his hard work were evident. He was promoted twice in the last 2 years. He was leading the team now. His colleagues respected him and had full confidence in him. If anyone had any problems, he was always there to resolve it. He had also grown personally. From the shy and introvert 2 years back, he had become a true leader. He was a bundle of energy, motivating his team, cracking jokes instantly, ensuring everyone enjoyed the work and moved ahead in their careers. Between 6 and 8, you can find Shyam either helping someone complete a deadline or hanging out with his team. His team members felt his care and hence were absolutely dedicated to his action plans.

It was a similar day today. He had helped few of his team members and it was 5 minutes to 8 PM. He joined the call and he was his assertive best explaining his actions and ensuring everything is on track. His efforts were appreciated. After the call, he locked his system, switched off the monitor and prepared to leave. He said Good Bye to a few colleagues in the floor and was running down the stairs deciding on the hotel to have dinner.

As usual he started his bike and took a left, when a lorry coming in the opposite direction hit him. It was sudden; he lost his control and was on the floor, with his bike over him and bleeding. The lorry did not stop and the street was not crowded. An auto which was behind him a few moments earlier stopped and a lady stepped out. She realized what had happened and looking at the blood she decided her next course of action. She took his bag and mobile phone and with the help of auto driver, drove him to the nearest hospital. He was unconscious.

He had cuts in his stomach and legs and was taken immediately to the emergency. The doctors examined him and had decided that his leg needed minor operation because it was fractured. They wanted a relative's signature before proceeding. When asked if she was his relative, she decided in a split second and signed her name in the papers. The doctors had started the operation.

She searched his bag and mobile phone for details. She learnt his name and the company where he worked from the notes in the bag. Thankfully his phone worked once she switched it on. She saw his contact list and called his dad informed him politely about the accident. She introduced herself as his friend and told him not to worry as it was minor injuries only. He said he will be at the hospital in 15 minutes. She went to the reception and waited for a few minutes. 20 minutes later, an elderly gentleman walked up and was enquiring about his son who had met with the accident. The receptionist pointed him to the appropriate ward.

Seeing the gentleman walk towards the ward, she decided that her job was done and took the same auto and went home.

Next day, Shyam becomes conscious and has his usual cheerfulness in his face and enquires the doctor about his injuries and tells the doctor that he will be fine in a couple of days. J He asks the doctor about the person who admitted him and the doctor shows him the admission form and leaves the room. He sees a signature in straight lines and the name below is Geeta.

He closed his eyes and tears roll down his cheeks…

Geeta….his friend, philosopher, guide, lover and much more. She was his soul mate. And 2 years back she said Good bye to him. Her last words were – "I will be with you always..."

"How true…!" he thought.

For the first time…

I really donno what happened

When you called me today,

There was an immediate rush of blood inside

And I wanted to be with you.

 

I was in office,

Looks like God knew my mood today

And decided to spare me from any work,

And even as I browsed hundreds of pages over the internet

I kept thinking of you.

 

I miss you dear,

I am thinking of being in your arms

In the coolest night possible at Bangalore

And just keep smiling…

 
 

A few more days here,

Before I come to you,

I hope I remain calm,

And have a happy smile when I meet you

Miss you dearest!!

Detached Attachment

"Detached Attachment" – A phrase which intrigues me and makes me put my thinking cap often. I do not remember how I heard this phrase. To be honest I have no clarity on the concept or what I am going to write. I am hoping at the end of this post, I have some level of understanding on this. J

What is detached attachment?

You love doing something or being with someone. For e.g. I love writing. I am attached to it. I write for an hour but I am not satisfied with the output. Will the output make me unhappy? I don't think so. I enjoy the process of writing and it makes me happy.

You love someone and you try to help them. You tell them what is right and what is wrong. Yet they make the wrong decision. Will that make me feel bad? No, I did all that I could do. I did my best.

This to me is detached attachment. You are attached to an activity which makes you dive deep into it and give your best. But you are also detached from result, which helps in providing a different outlook and which helps you understand the mistakes and appreciate the best moments.

As Lord Krishna said, "Thou have the right to act, but not to the fruits of action." The Upanishads declare, "Action cleaves not to a man."

One more interpretation of the same phrase can be:

You love something in life. You know irrespective of what happens in the world, it is yours. When you truly own something, there is no fear of losing. You do not mind others opinion on the thing you love. It does not matter.

For e.g., MS Dhoni wanted Saurav Ganguly to captain for a few overs during the India Australia series, which  was the last match for Saurav. When can someone do this? Only if he is confident of his own position and he has no fears about it.

Or consider this: Hritik Roshan was first contacted to play the Hero role in the Hindi film "Bunti aur Babli". And he suggested Abhishek Bachan because he thought Abhishek will be a better fit for the role. Hritik loves acting. But he is also detached from it to appreciate others positives and even judge who will look better on screen for that role.

Detach yourself a little from things you love and you will find new ways to love the same.

Bindhu!!

PS: I wanted to write a post on this for long time. Somehow could not do it. Every time I would write a couple of sentences and then decide not to continue further. So, I am happy that finally I have managed to complete it.

Heart In Love!!

I look at you,

To see your lovely face;

But you have a big heart,

To show the beautiful world!!!!