Mothers I tell you!

What do you think would have triggered the following reactions?

Relative: How did you do it?
Friend: Cool….
Brother: Good.
Husband: *gives a second look*

And finally…

Mother: You never follow whatever I say and this is what will happen. *followed by a series of advice*

In case you have not figured out yet, I told them I have moved from size XL to L.

Breaking point

I am not sure if every person has a breaking point – a time when they just feel defeated. But if such a thing exists, then either I have reached that point or somewhere close to it. September is usually a month that I look forward to. It’s the month of celebration since my birthday, my son’s birthday and my brother’s birthday fall this month. Not this time.

On September 2nd, my son started having cold and later that day he was having temperature. I gave him the usual medicines but it did not seem to work. He also started having cough. On September 4th, I took him to the doctor who gave him antibiotics and syrup for cough. On September 5th, he started having vomiting and loose stools and during night he was struggling to breathe. I took him again to the doctor on September 6th and the doctor had one look at him and said he had to be admitted. He had got a severe respiratory infection and his chest was infected.

It has to be the worst feeling to see your active kid with an IV injected lying on bed with trips and looking dull. He was on trips for four days. Every time a doctor or nurse came, he started crying. He was just so scared to see new people who came and gave him injections and medicines and I am sure IV would have also given pain. He looked confused unable to understand what everyone was doing and hence could not cooperate with them. Finally after a series of antibiotics and medicines and nebulisation, he was discharged on September 10th at 8:30 p.m. He had to undergo nebulisation for a week and hence hospital visits continue.

In between all this, I caught his infection and was having a pretty bad cough and cold. I could not take any medicine since I was afraid it would make me sleep. I had to be awake to ensure he did not shake his hand during the night. All in all, a real tough scenario.

The reason why I think all this has made me feel defeated is:

1] All this has meant I could not take him for any therapies for last two weeks and I am not sure how much of an impact this would have.
2] After struggling for almost 2 months, he was saying a few sounds. But after this entire hospitalization episode, he is not saying any of those except “dha”.
3] I was potty training him and all my effort has gone waste since he was on diapers during hospital stay. In addition, he also has rashes.

I truly feel defeated. As if there is someone above who wants to see how much can I take and is consciously making my situation worse.

The only positive in all this is that my dad and mom came immediately to help me. I called my dad and told him that the doctor has asked to admit my son. His immediate response was, “Admit him, I will be there as soon as possible.” And then he cut the call. What would I do without such loving parents!

Daily Laughter

I am very busy working on a project that had to be delivered today. The project is for an Australian client. The lead in Australia asks me if I can work late in the night and am thinking what to answer and how to avoid it.

Exactly at that time, my mom sits next to me and I tell her that my lead wants me to work late in the night. Pat comes her reply….

“Appa mathiyanam naan thoongitu varen sollitu poi paduthuko.” ["Tell them then that you will sleep in the afternoon and go lie down"]

I could not control my laughter. Imagine what would have happened if I had told the same. :)

And for the records let me also add that finally I said okay to the lead. :(

Reborn!

Yes people. I was reborn on September 16 @ 3:23 PM. In appreciation of my work in the previous birth, God has given me a baby boy to take care of. And yes, I can’t thank Him enough for this.

Before I start my birth story, I have a few messages to the entire whole world.

To all the guys in the world:

Never ever show disrespect towards any women. You have no idea how much pain she already has to endure.

To all the women who have more than two kids: *

I am still wondering what motivated you to have more than two kids.

To all the married women who are waiting to become pregnant:

I have just one advice for you all. Expect the unexpected.

To all the single women:

In case you have plans to get married and have kids, do not read further.

Ok. Now that all the messages are done, let me tell you how my experience in the labor room.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was to be admitted in the hospital on Wednesday (15^th Sep) at 7 PM. I did the regular pooja at home and I really had no clue what to pray. I was mentally prepared to accept anything and hence was pretty calm. I do a namaskaram to the God and then to my parents. (My dad comments that all this will not induce pain and hence to stop acting :))

So, we left for the hospital @ 6:30 PM. Once the room was allocated, the first thing I did was to have dinner at the hospital. I was in good mood, cracking jokes, making fun of the hospital idlis (Really, Why do hospital idlis make one feel so sick?), and relaxed. Nurses came and checked my BP and took me to the labor room to check the baby’s heart beat, movement and the position. Everything was normal and I waited for my doctor’s arrival. In the mean time, my in laws also came and I am all smiles and look mentally strong. (People in fact made fun that I look like a NCC commander :)). After everybody left, its just me and my mom at the hospital.

10:30 PM: The doctor arrives and injects a gel to induce pain. She comments that I am very favorable to her treatments. My ego, which already thinks that my tolerance levels to pain are high, is boosted and I feel good. I really think I am mentally strong for labor.

And that’s where the story takes a U-turn.

11:00 PM: The gel starts working real quick and I have pains in my back. Baby’s heart beat and movements are constantly monitored. My pains start increasing and I am struggling to lie on the back. The machine is irritating and I do not feel baby’s movements. An injection is given to increase the pain.

16^th Sep 2:00 AM: I am moved out of the labor room to the patient’s room. I am more than happy to be with my mom. Both of us try to sleep but couldn’t. I try to walk as I feel slightly better while walking. The pains continue to increase and my mom starts praying religiously. I start vomiting and I am a bit tired. But mentally I still think I can take this.

3:00 AM: Another injection to increase the pain.

4:00 AM: Another injection to increase the pain.

5:00 AM: I am in real bad pain and the nurses decide to take me to the labor room. My back pain increases and I am not able to lie on the bed. My doctor visits and checks and tells me that I am just 3cm dilated. I think I had my first heart attack at that time. (I start calculating mentally how long it will take for me to be 10 cm dilated. 3cm in 7 hours, so for 10 cms……. And then mind stops working) Doctor decides that the progress is very slow and my membranes are ruptured. This time all my control is lost and I am crying badly. I am again moved to the patient’s room.

All my relatives arrive. My vomiting continues and I have no energy whatsoever. I try walking for some time. But every time the contractions come, I fall down.

This continues for the next few hours.

10:30 AM: I am again taken to the labor room. I am crying and shouting non stop. I am not able to stand on my own. The duty doctor examines and tells that I am only 6 cms dilated. They decide to move me back to the patient’s room. I plead the doctor to do something and take the baby out. Nothing works and I am moved to the patient’s room again.

The only thing I remember from now is that I was in pain shouting God’s names every time the contraction hits hard.

One of the nurses takes pity on me and gives me steam bath which temporarily made my back feel better.

1:00 PM: Enema is given and I am moved into the labor room. As time goes on, all my positive attitude goes out of the window. I vomit again and the entire world starts spinning. I think today will be my last day and I will not move out of this room. I pray God to ensure that the baby is fine and to take care of the baby even after my death.

The doctor comes and examines and I am 8 cms dilated.

2:00 PM: I am completely dilated and the doctor asks me to push. I try but I have no energy. In the process of trying hard, I bite my lips and blood comes from my mouth.

2:30 PM: The doctor decides that I might need some help and nurses help me in pushing. But the pain is too much for me to endure. I shout asking them to cut me open and take the baby out.

3:00 PM: The doctor decides on vacuum delivery. She tries for four times with no success.

3:23 PM: Fifth time, the doctors are successful. The baby comes out but I do not hear baby’s crying sound. I am a little worried and ask the doctors about the baby. They were all busy examining the baby. Finally, after 5 minutes I hear the baby’s voice.

Next one hour is spent stitching me up and I am again shouting in pain.

5:00 PM: One of the nurses come near me and place a package next to me. I did not even realize that it’s the baby. She then asks me to feed the baby. I look next to me and a tiny face is seen. I smile at the baby and I feel so wonderful. I feed the baby and thankfully there were no problems here. The baby then kept looking at the light. Few minutes later, he smiles. I feel divine at this moment and thank God for everything.

But sooner, the pains come back and I sleep peacefully. After some time when I moved to the patient room, I do not know why I cried but I cried non stop. My dad comes and looks at me first and we share a lovely dad-daughter moment with both of us crying. Later with a few pain killers I survive the day.

But even now, as I try to recapture the days in hospital, there is still a sense of fear and shock within me. The entire experience of pregnancy and labor has made me realize that mothers are truly God’s messengers.

* Any comment reminding me of Bhagyaraj's dialogues will be ignored. :)

My mom’s world

As with most daughters, I was and am attached to my dad. I love him, respect him, and adore him. He is truly my hero. He is one of the very few people whose company I enjoy. Of course, just like everybody else he has his own share of negatives. But once you love someone so much, you learn to overlook those.

What about mom? Well, I was never close to my mom. I don't know why. I love her and would do anything for her. But, in case I had any problem, let me say mom was not the first person I would go to. I was actually slightly afraid of her. I was never able to appreciate her emotions and thoughts. To be honest, there were days when I thought my mom was lucky to have my dad as partner.

But all this changed once I got married. It was truly a revelation for me. I understood my mom better. I got a view of how her world should have been in the past. For someone who came from a financially weak family, who had lost her father a year before her marriage, and who cannot go back to her mom because the family was already struggling, marriage should have posed quite a few challenges.

She had to take care of my dad's two younger brothers. One of the brothers had a few medical problems so she had to prepare separate dishes for him and the rest of the family. She had to wake up at 4 am to complete her chores. Those were the days before phones became part of house hold. So, with no conversation or very little conversation with the family, I can understand how lonely she would have felt. Add to it, her MIL and SIL were not very supportive. She was always looked down because of her financial status. She never raised her voice and was afraid of every one of them. My dad was her only pillar of strength.

I guess all those years of untold loneliness and sorrow was probably the reason she became very vocal later on.

This year Lord has been extremely kind and has blessed me with the opportunity to experience motherhood. Last few months as I am getting ready to become a mom, I understand my mom so much better. Much better than all those years I stayed with her. I am seeing a different side of her – of a practical woman.

As I struggled in the first few months of pregnancy, my mom was with me giving me physical and emotional support all the way. Whenever my dad overreacted on any issue because of the love he had for me and it was difficult for him to see me struggling, she would keep her cool and ask me to ignore his comments. She was the practical woman.

She would tell me incidents of how things happened during her pregnancy, how she had to wait until the 9^th month to go to her mom's place, how my dad reacted when my brother and I was born (looks like his initial reaction of a girl was not a happy one :) I guess he knew that his boss has arrived :)), how she managed all alone with no support, how she would catch a bus and go for monthly check ups alone and many more. All these stories made me truly realize how much she had endured all her life.

After I was born, my mom's younger brother and sister also stayed with us. Mom had taken the responsibility of getting them married to good families. My dad's brother also got married. All these marriages meant there was not much of savings in the initial years. So, from the time we were born, mom and dad sacrificed a lot. They have never spent anything on themselves. They saved every single penny to give us good education. That was their only motto.

Today, though we are in a financially better position, my mom fights for every single rupee that is spent. My brother mostly will be the target. Visits to the theatre, CDs, outside lunch are all ways of wasting money, as per my mom. Given her past, we understand her mindset.

But what hurts me most is sometimes when her innocence comes out. Whenever she asks for cone ice cream, or when she buys some cosmetics, or when she asks for some books, moments like these makes me realize how many years it has taken for her to experience the smallest desires of her.

Mom, I truly understand your struggles and their effects on you. I hope to fulfill every single wish of yours. Love you…!

And Dad, you are lucky to have mom with you. Today, your brothers and sisters are proud of you and us because of mom. Stop fighting with her. :)