Putting together

Have you ever fixed a jigsaw puzzle? Have you experienced the happiness and agony it brings? Every time you think you have got the correct piece and start putting together the other pieces, only to realize that you have hit another block. It is very challenging and at the same time very demanding on the brain.

But when you actually find the important piece around which you can construct the other pieces, and that in a matter of minutes you have formed one section of the puzzle, it brings abundant joy.

That is how life is…. It is a jigsaw puzzle and every single experience you encounter is part of the big picture. And today I have this feeling that I have found the critical piece - The piece I was searching for the last five months; The piece which will decide how my future shapes; The piece which will bring me happiness.

Only time will tell, if I am right or wrong.

PS: Let me tell you a secret. My answer to the first question in this post is NO. :))) Yeah, you can laugh at me now!

Letter of learnings

My son,

Last three months have taught me more than the learning from all the previous years put together. As they say, a wise man learns from others mistakes. I am sure you will be very wise (My genes should ensure that :) he he….  ). I do not know if I will remember to tell you all this in future. Hence, I have listed the same. Someday I hope you read and understand and thank me for the passing on the knowledge. (aah…..Whom am I trying to cheat? I know he may not read this at all, even if he reads he might just discard the same and call it crap. I do the same to my mom’s advice. *sheepish grin*)

1] Believe in God. There is nothing wrong in believing that all your sorrows will end. It does not matter who puts an end to it. But if it’s God, then let it be like that. The feeling will keep you optimistic.
(“Aandavan nallavangala sothipan aana kai vida mattan”)

2] Never forget others help, especially if it was done at a needy time.
(Someday I should do a post on your paati or my MIL. She has been such a help for me that whenever some argument rises between her and me or between me and your dad, I think of her help. Just the thought that she helps me when needed, lets me get out of that argumentative tone.)

3] No two person are alike. So, do not compare.
(Though there has been a delay in reaching your milestones, you are already giving me a glimpse of your strengths. You have a memory like an elephant. Also, you seem to have calmness around you. I don’t know if it’s because you are my child that I experience this. I would like to believe there is something in the way you carry yourself that brings calmness.)

4] Enjoy the moment.
(This is something that I have been telling myself. Thinking about past or future occurrences, do not let the present slip away.)

5] There is no use in self-pity.
(Take my word for this one. Self-pity will take you downward.)

6] Have a goal. Life will be more satisfying if you work towards a goal.
(Right now, my only goal is to help you reach all your developmental milestones. And the day you started differentiating size or identifying different shapes, it was wonderful.)

7] Read a lot.
(It will help you remove the negative clusters from your brain and give you fresh things to think about.)

8] Laugh a lot. Develop a sense of humor. If possible, make others laugh. Life will be so much lighter.
(This is something that I am consciously doing to ensure that there is positive energy at home.)

9] Eat well. Sleep well. Take care of your body.
( I sleep when you sleep. I wake up at 8 a.m. somedays. As someone who used to wake up at 5 in the morning, I feel guilty at times. But I have also realized that until I give my body rest I will not be able to run behind you in our street, take you to the park, sing all the rhymes to you, teach you using educational toys, scribble with the crayons apart from the basic bathing-feeding-sleeping activities.)

10] Last, Love your mom. She loves you a lot.

That’s it for now. Bye!!!

Alone in a crowd

Today I miss going to office so much!!!

Nope… there is nothing exciting happening in office. But I face days like these once in a while. These are days when I wake up and I am not normal. I don’t want to speak to anyone and generally want to be alone – No emails, no conversations, no phone calls. At home, this is just becoming totally impossible. I am sure if I say I want to be alone and ask someone to take care of my baby, there would be "deadly eyes" at me. :)

Earlier I used to go to office, complete all my work earlier and just go to some place and spend an hour’s time all alone. I would go to the terrace and keep looking at the clouds sipping a cup of coffee or visit some temple and just spend time or visit a theater with no interest in movie but no conversation with anyone. There will be people around me, but that did not matter as long as no one tried to speak to me. I can be alone in a crowd. And after an hour or so, I would be my usual self. Does this happen to everyone? I do not know because I do not speak about this to anyone. (Interesting how it is easier to blog about the same) I consider this a very private space, where there is no one in my life except me and I speak to myself.

Today is one such day. Right from the time I woke up, I am not feeling comfortable doing anything and just want to sit alone. But with a baby at home, it is just not possible to be alone for a few minutes. How I wish I went to office today and finished off my work before going to some place.

Ok… Got to go now. My son is awake, after sleeping for full ten minutes. :)

Voice of the Heart

I am an instinctive person. Everything in my life is decided based on the voice from the heart than head. I choose my friends based on my instincts. In the first few minutes that I speak to a person, I know the level of bonding I will have with the person.

Similarly, when I perform an activity, I know if it will be successful or not. I know from my heart that the output will be good. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying I feel EVERYTIME. But some days I can feel it more than other days. I am not sure how I am able to feel it. May be because in school days, I loved being alone and speaking to myself that I hear the voice inside me even now. I am not sure.

Every time I am confused, I listen to my heart. To quote a few instances,

• When I saw P for the first time, I knew he will become my close friend. Today, all I can say is I am just so proud of myself to be his friend.
  
• Mine was an arranged marriage. But even before I met my husband and his parents on the scheduled day, I knew that the alliance will be finalized. And today, I am happy that I listened to my heart.
  
• A year back, when I was asked to work from a client's location, my dad wanted me to reject the offer. But I listened to my heart and accepted the offer. And those days were so crucial in bringing peace to my mind.
  

If you are wondering, why such a post, let me tell you the feedback I received last week.

Someone told my current lead –

"Whenever she asks a question to you and if the answer does not convince her, she will never some back to you. She will complete the work herself."

I have to say – That's a pretty good assessment of who I am. But, unfortunately I am not able to accept to it fully. It's more like this.

"If I speak to you and if I am not comfortable with you or your answer, I would never come to you for anything."

Because sometimes I am happy with an honest answer. It can be "I don't know". I respect the honesty. But if I see someone beating around the bush and wasting my time or using inappropriate words or disrespecting someone or correct answer in a wrong tone, I am sure I would never go back to him.

How about you? Do you listen to your instincts? Let me know.

Striking a Balance between Individual Performance and Teamwork

This was written more than a year back. I found it in my mail archives and wanted to record these thoughts in the blog. Images courtesy Google.

Introduction

The ability to be a team player is one of the most important requirements for success in today's job market. This is a distinct turnaround from, say, 20 years ago when individual accomplishments were the all-important. Employers would put the emphasis on individual performance, although getting along in the workplace and with work colleagues has always been important.

But in today's competitive environment, every organization is looking for ways to better their own performance. How can we achieve this without improving existing work process? And to propose better solutions, we need to be creative.

This article tries to find an answer to this basic question – What is the most important attribute to succeed in today's global world – Creativity or Teamwork?

Teamwork

There are few jobs that don't require us to interact with colleagues in a team। For the most part, we need to work cohesively with others at our workplaces to achieve the organizational goals.

Work teams play an important role in a modern organization. From software engineers who collaborate to write code to the board of directors who gather to make strategic decisions, teams are increasingly being used worldwide as the foundation of work. We know from our everyday experiences, however, that effective teamwork is not achieved as easily as getting a collection of individuals together.

The following characteristics should be present in a team for it to succeed.

• Common Goal in mind
  
• Active Participation by ALL team members
  
• Open-mindedness
  
• Clarity on the role of each team member
  
• Support between team members
  
• Support for the team leader
  
• Avoidance of dominance of any one team member
  
• Have fun
  

Even when all the above mentioned characteristics are present in a team, can we ensure the team members will be happy on a long term basis? We usually find employees looking for a change.

A team that destroys itself in the course of accomplishing its mission is no team at all, even if everyone is a team player.

This brings us to an important aspect of teamwork: the manner in which a team interacts. Dynamics play a big role in the successful completion of a project. Regardless of the ideal of reaching a common goal, every person has a different viewpoint. In a single group, one may find pessimists, control freaks, eternal optimists, and fence-sitters. The control freak will ride roughshod over others. The fence-sitter will avoid taking responsibility. The one who will suffer the most in the group will probably be the optimist, who will continually propose solutions and continually find his or her ideas rebuffed. In the meantime, work will suffer directly or indirectly in the form of decreasing interest and enthusiasm among those who are likely doing more than their fair share.

So, the challenge lies in ensuring these differences of opinion are taken in a positive manner and collectively the team succeeds. The joy of working in a close-knit team and completing the goal is unmatched.

Individual Performance

In today's world, life has become so mechanical and every one suffers from stress related problems. What is the reason for this pattern? Is it because of tight deadlines and work pressure? Or is it because of repetitive or unsatisfied work?

When we enjoy what we do, there can be no stress. Whenever there is a bit of you in the work that you do, the work will truly be enjoyable. Remember, Creativity has nothing to do with any particular work. Whatsoever you do can become creative if you know what creativity means.

Creativity means enjoying any work as meditation, doing any work with love. Be a little innovative – that's what creativity is. Innovate new ways, new means. Try something new that nobody has ever done. And you will find that you love your work because you know you have contributed a little and that feeling will keep you energized.

When a person brings a new idea, it is like fire. It kindles newer ideas in other minds too and brings fresh energy to the team.

Today we find that organizations spend time and money in training their senior management and giving each employee an opportunity to learn other disciplines in their work. What is the reason behind this? They are trying to refresh the mind of each individual so that the organization as a whole benefits.

We should try to bring this initiative in smaller teams. If any one of the team member, spends some time on proposing a new idea, the entire team will be rejuvenated and we can see ideas flowing.

Think Alone, Work Together

We understand the benefits of team culture and no organization can ignore it. The challenge remains in keeping the team members motivated and finding out new ways to refresh the minds. The mind can be refreshed only when the thought process is evoked and new ideas are proposed.

Can we think together? Every man has his own thoughts and ideas. We inherit the products of the thoughts of other men. We inherit the wheel. We make a cart. The cart becomes an automobile. The automobile becomes an air plane. But all through this process, what we receive from others is only the end product of their thinking. The creator in each man takes this product as material and uses it and originates the next step.

Men learn from one another. But all learning is only the exchange of material. What he does with his learning and how he interprets it is based on his own mind. No one should control it.

Hence, each man should think alone, express his ideas and be ready for others to express their opinion on the same. Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind than in the one where they sprang up.

The powers of the mind are like the rays of the sun dissipated. When they are concentrated, they illumine – Swami Vivekananda.

There should be variety, but that does not make us separate. Variety makes life richer.

No man is an island. To implement an idea, we need to co-operate with others. And hence a team is formed and for the team to be successful there needs to be synergy in the team. The team should work together by free agreement and each should be free in his proper function. Synergy catalyzes, unifies and unleashes the greatest powers within people. It means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

The most important responsibility of a manager is to keep his team motivated and rejuvenated. He should ensure he keeps his mind fresh and open a new idea for discussion to the team. If the team decides on a progressive change, the manager should be able to incorporate the same into the work process.

Any change will have inconvenience but we should remember that there will be no progress without change. Hence each member in the team should think alone and express his ideas. The team should then decide on the best approach and implement the same with a common goal.

Conclusion

If one does not love work, one is always unhappy in life. In order to be truly happy in life, one must love work.

We should never forget that the team comprises of individuals. Unless, each member in the team is satisfied and happy, the team cannot be at its best. Any individual can be happy when he enjoys his work. If you can perform your work creatively, lovingly, totally, you will have the taste of life. When happy individuals come together, the work they produce will be of high quality and the organization will truly become a great place to work.

Powerful weapon :)

I had traveled to my in laws place to celebrate Diwali. I was sure there will be quite a few charges against me. So, I was mentally prepared to remain calm for anything that I may have to encounter. I had to really choose a strong weapon which will safeguard me against any opposition. And I chose this.

Let me tell you – this is truly a powerful weapon. Few instances of its usage are given below.

When someone hinted me to quit my job and "take care" of the husband, my reply was ":)"

My actual reply was – "Oh I did not know that to take care of someone you have to quit your job. Pardon my ignorance. So, will my husband also quit his job? Because I assume it's also his responsibility to take care of me."

When someone told me that I am not telling them any good news, my reply was ":)"

My actual reply was – "Oh am sorry, I forgot to say today is Diwali. Will that categorize as good news for you?"

When someone told me that the quantity that I cook is less and hence my husband is weak, my reply was ":)"

My actual reply was – "Oh is it? I did not realize. From now on, I will consider that I have two husbands and will cook for three. Will that solve the problem?"

When someone told me that I do not get involved in all the matters of the family, you know what I would have replied.

My actual reply was – "I do not consider your family as mine and please do not consider mine as yours."

Trust me, after sometime I got so used to this that when the dog (my in laws have a dog at home) barked at me (NO PUN INTENDED :)), I did this :) to the dog.

And the weapon worked so well that I really did not get tensed at all and seriously I started enjoying this game so much.

I am indebted to my in-laws for teaching me this game. :)

Achievement and Success

"My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others. That is nice but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement - success will follow."

Helen Hayes
1900-1993, Award Winning Actress

I just love this quote. How true is it. Sometimes even when you are not at your best, others praise you. Does that make you happy? Not me. And sometimes you give your best effort, and you are on the losing side. Does that make you feel bad? Yes but only for a few minutes. But then you realize you have fought well and that gives you satisfaction.

Set your own goals and standards................. and judge results yourself.

Time and Distance

அன்பாய் அவள் பேச,
ஆசையாய் அவன் கேட்க,
ஆறு மையில் தூரமோ அரை அடியாய் போனதடி,
அரை மணி நேரமோ ஒரு நொடியாய் ஆனதடி.

Dedicated to my friend who is getting married in November...

She sent a mail to our friends group inviting all of us to her marriage. As the conversation proceeded, one of the friends asked her for a treat and she did not reply for a few hours. So, people started inquiring about her absence and I replied - "We should wait until US sleeps, so that she could reply to us". (Her to-be-husband is in US currently) That is when I thought of the above lines. :)

PS: As mentioned in one of my earlier posts, my knowledge of Tamil is very limited and hence all grammatical / language errors need to be overlooked... :)

Bindhu!!

Oscillating mind

Being in Bangalore,

Under the care of my husband,

I keep thinking of you,

And pray for your happiness.

Miss you dad & mom.

When I am in Chennai,

Surrounded by love and affection from my parents,

I keep thinking of you,

And every time you say the food was not good,

I feel guilty.

Not a day passes without me feeling bad,

Thinking I have not fulfilled my role,

Either as a daughter or as a wife,

Is it the way all women feel?

I believe this dilemma will end,

When my brother really grows,

And provides emotional and physical support,

I hope the day comes soon.

For the first time…

I really donno what happened

When you called me today,

There was an immediate rush of blood inside

And I wanted to be with you.

 

I was in office,

Looks like God knew my mood today

And decided to spare me from any work,

And even as I browsed hundreds of pages over the internet

I kept thinking of you.

 

I miss you dear,

I am thinking of being in your arms

In the coolest night possible at Bangalore

And just keep smiling…

 
 

A few more days here,

Before I come to you,

I hope I remain calm,

And have a happy smile when I meet you

Miss you dearest!!

Detached Attachment

"Detached Attachment" – A phrase which intrigues me and makes me put my thinking cap often. I do not remember how I heard this phrase. To be honest I have no clarity on the concept or what I am going to write. I am hoping at the end of this post, I have some level of understanding on this. J

What is detached attachment?

You love doing something or being with someone. For e.g. I love writing. I am attached to it. I write for an hour but I am not satisfied with the output. Will the output make me unhappy? I don't think so. I enjoy the process of writing and it makes me happy.

You love someone and you try to help them. You tell them what is right and what is wrong. Yet they make the wrong decision. Will that make me feel bad? No, I did all that I could do. I did my best.

This to me is detached attachment. You are attached to an activity which makes you dive deep into it and give your best. But you are also detached from result, which helps in providing a different outlook and which helps you understand the mistakes and appreciate the best moments.

As Lord Krishna said, "Thou have the right to act, but not to the fruits of action." The Upanishads declare, "Action cleaves not to a man."

One more interpretation of the same phrase can be:

You love something in life. You know irrespective of what happens in the world, it is yours. When you truly own something, there is no fear of losing. You do not mind others opinion on the thing you love. It does not matter.

For e.g., MS Dhoni wanted Saurav Ganguly to captain for a few overs during the India Australia series, which  was the last match for Saurav. When can someone do this? Only if he is confident of his own position and he has no fears about it.

Or consider this: Hritik Roshan was first contacted to play the Hero role in the Hindi film "Bunti aur Babli". And he suggested Abhishek Bachan because he thought Abhishek will be a better fit for the role. Hritik loves acting. But he is also detached from it to appreciate others positives and even judge who will look better on screen for that role.

Detach yourself a little from things you love and you will find new ways to love the same.

Bindhu!!

PS: I wanted to write a post on this for long time. Somehow could not do it. Every time I would write a couple of sentences and then decide not to continue further. So, I am happy that finally I have managed to complete it.

Violence is the last resort of the incompetent

Violence is the last resort of the incompetent

- Isaac Asimov, 20th century Novelist, Biochemist

Ironically, I wrote a post yesterday on the same topic. I wrote 4 paragraphs about why people depend on violence, and today I come across this quote. What can I say!! How to summarize 4 paragraphs in a sentence is the lesson learnt… L

My Beliefs.........and pain

Anyone who has spent a few minutes with me will know that I am a person with values. And I NEVER compromise on them. I am extremely sincere and dedicated to any work I do. In case mistakes happen, it will be because of my ignorance. I also ensure those mistakes are not repeated. If you ask me what is the feeling that is most important to me in life - No not love, its RESPECT. And if I respect someone they are special to me.

In case you are wondering why such a post, it is because someone at office doubts my sincerity. And it really hurts when you have been with the company for 4 years. It happened yesterday and I still can not get over it.

God give me some peace of mind.

It hurts more when you do not have your friends with whom you can vent your anger with the comfort that they will listen to you and help you get back to normal. I miss my friends and happy that I have my blog to give me company.

Bindhu!!

Care

Everyone knows……
 
Working hard at office,
Coding at late nights,
Handling calls every day,
And closing issues daily,
Is how he is.
 
He knows………

Working hard at office,
Coding at late nights,
Handling calls every day,
And closing issues daily,
Is how she is.
 
Being a few paces behind her,
Giving her company,
Escorting her to home,
And ensuring her a safe return,
Is his highest priority.

Bindhu!!

Questions

I am in a crowd,
Everyone is laughing,
And I realise I too laugh,
But what am I laughing at?

I am in a crowd,
Everyone is busy,
And I realise I too work,
But what am I working for?

I am in a crowd,
Everyone is listening to the speaker,
And I too look at the speaker,
But is he really speaking?

Days like these,
When i feel a void in my mind,
I am crying inside,
But what am I crying for?

Oh...Let me not find answers for these,
Let the day come to a close,
New day will bring fresh energy,
And then I will forget these questions.

Bindhu!!

Home and Universe

When world becomes a cage,
You will be unhappy.

When home becomes a cage,
You will be hostile.

When home is your world,
You will be happy and peaceful.

And when universe is your home,
You are blessed with powers
To look at your troubles as challenges
To win over them with your sweat,
And you realize those troubles become your feats
And have brought you happiness, satisfaction and peace.

Life, Music and Sports

I have been thinking for long how life is related to music and sports and this blog is a reflection of it.

Music
I am listening to my favorite Ilayaraja Songs and again the same thought comes back…!!
How much silence enhances the appreciation of the following notes in the song? Isn’t Mounam sangeetham?

I feel our lives are similar to music. We do have upper notes and lower notes in life. We do have various moods and styles within us. But we all have a set of values – just as all music comes down to the basic notes.

So the question is: Don’t we need stops to reenergize yourself? YES. But a lot of us forget it. I believe these stops can be just 5 minutes every day where you clear your mind of all negative thoughts. I do pooja everyday and those 15 minutes give me the calmness and energy needed to perform my activities in the day.

How good if we all realize this!!

Sports
I consider sports closest to life for the single reason - Success and defeat happens every day.
Watching a sportsman go through the highs and lows are lessons in itself. The few that I have understood over the years are provided.

When you thought no one can beat Michael Schumacher, there was Alonso. When you thought Alonso is going to be the champion for the future, came Hamilton.
Always better your last performance because your competitors will change.

When Men tennis was getting bored with the gap between Federer and other players increasing, in came Nadal. Federer is the genius, but genius can also be defeated if you make the most of your strengths.

The West Indies cricket team of 80s and the current Australian team teach you an important lesson – Plan for the future.

Watching the match between Federer and Roddick in Wimbledon final makes you think – Is winning the only thing? Ofcourse Roddick would be disappointed and broken. But when he wakes up the next day, I am sure he would be proud of his efforts. Give your best shot and leave the rest to God.

Sachin Tendulkar cried after India lost the test match to Pakistan to Chennai. Why did he do so? Because he knew he was so close to victory. Its not over until its over.

Lance Armstrong shows you, if you have the passion and determination to win, nothing can be a hindrance.

And I am yet to make a mention of Tiger Woods, because I am awaiting the day when he will win the Masters again. I am confident of it.

So, what are the lessons that you have learnt?

And just as I comment on the musicians and sportsmen, I should understand others have rights to make comments on me. Do I understand? Not really. But I don’t mind. :)

Brindha!!

Rejection

I say..."I will help you."
They say..."No Thanks."

They say... "Help me."
He says..."I will consider."

I say... "I will take care."
They say... "No Thanks."

They say... "Help me."
He says..."It will take time."

I say... "I will support you."
They say... "No Thanks."

I said all those from heart,
They replied using their heads...

Head has reasons that heart can not understand,
Heart has feelings that head does not consider.


They love my heart,I admire their head,
And we know the heart and the head are right.

Bindhu

Ode to women

A few months earlier, I watched an interview of director K.B. I have got immense respect for him. He made a comment about today's girls, which got etched in my mind. He said today's girls are confident and educated. They are successful in life. But they are also becoming aggressive and impatient. I was not so sure if he was right that time.

But today, I agree with him totally. Last few weeks in Bangalore have made me realize this. The girls here are highly educated and confident, thanks to Bangalore becoming a IT hub and hence a lot of job opportunities. But their tolerance levels are very low.


Do today's girls understand the uniqueness of being a girl?

My aunt, who passed away a few years back, is my heroine from childhood. She was not educated but she always looked confident. Even in my early age, when I did not even knew what confidence meant, I was attracted towards her. I should also say that not many in the family liked her. Even my mother complains a lot about her. But all this did not come between me and her. I always watched her from a distance with respect. I am sure if she was educated, she would have been as successful as today's girls. She educated all her daughters and they are successful today.

But she also had immense patience. She suffered a lot early on. Early years of her marriage was very tiring. I believe all those days made her mentally strong. She was matured to face any challenge in life. She took care of all aspects of the family. She did all her duties perfectly and died when no one expected at the age of 60.

Will I consider her my heroine in case she did not possess patience? I doubt. To me a girl has to be mentally strong, have the confidence to take care of a family, possess high tolerance to face a lot of problems and maintain a calmness around them.

I pray God to give me the strength and patience to face any challenge in life.

Bindhu!!

Are memories pointless indulgence?

How should we look at the past?



Should we look back at the wonderful memories and cherish the same? If yes, would that mean we are ignoring the present and trying to live in the past?



Should we look at trying circumstances and learn from them? If yes, have we not learnt those lessons when the event had occurred? What's the point in going back? Is it going to bring us any additional chapters?



I mostly look at challenges in the past in which I have carried myself well and in which I can be proud of myself. I may not have been successful but I would have given my best effort. Those moments make me feel I am capable of any challenge that life has to offer and it acts as a confidence booster.



Looking back at any other event would be an attempt to make the present unreal. And these days I am making such attempts pretty often.



Brindha.