Life throws you unexpected things. Today, my plan was to send my son to the school and clean the kitchen. I usually feel good after cleaning the house. It is as if I have thrown all the unwanted things out of my life. Crazy, I know. But that is how I feel. As I was getting my son ready to school, the power went off. I waited till 11 o clock for the power to return and then decided there was no use sitting in the house. I had to collect medicines for my son, so decided to take my scooter and finish the same. As I was waiting for the signal to turn green, I realized I would actually be driving past my old organization, the one where I started my career. I then thought of P, my friend. I thought it would be nice to meet him. So while returning I called him and decided to meet.
It has been more than two years since we had met. But we started from where we had left. The time made no difference. He asked the usual question, “How are you?” If not for him, I would have answered, “I am fine / ok / good.” But with him I just open my heart. I do not have to think twice before answering anything. I guess it comes from the confidence that even without answering he would actually understand how I feel. I thought for a split second and answered “I am living somehow”. And really that is the truth.
I am actually tired of my life; tired of being strong; tired of being mature. I do not want to take any decisions, neither for me nor for anyone else. I do not want to smile at people and say I am good and I can take care of everything, when the truth is I would appreciate some help. Simple, I do not want to drive my life for some time. I wish I could find the driver whom I can trust and follow. I want to be passive. I do not even know if this is a good sign.
We spoke for 15 minutes and then I left because I had to pick my son from school. I came back home and realized this is what I am missing from life. A friend to whom I can open my heart without any mask. I need to be strong at home for my husband and son. I need to be strong before my parents and in-laws else it disturbs their health. With P, I have nothing to hide. I felt lighter after speaking to him.
And nothing beats face-to-face communication. The gentle smile, the touch, and eye contact cannot be replaced by phone, facebook, or any other messenger. I am glad I could actually find some time to meet him.
Long live P and friends like him.
It has been more than two years since we had met. But we started from where we had left. The time made no difference. He asked the usual question, “How are you?” If not for him, I would have answered, “I am fine / ok / good.” But with him I just open my heart. I do not have to think twice before answering anything. I guess it comes from the confidence that even without answering he would actually understand how I feel. I thought for a split second and answered “I am living somehow”. And really that is the truth.
I am actually tired of my life; tired of being strong; tired of being mature. I do not want to take any decisions, neither for me nor for anyone else. I do not want to smile at people and say I am good and I can take care of everything, when the truth is I would appreciate some help. Simple, I do not want to drive my life for some time. I wish I could find the driver whom I can trust and follow. I want to be passive. I do not even know if this is a good sign.
We spoke for 15 minutes and then I left because I had to pick my son from school. I came back home and realized this is what I am missing from life. A friend to whom I can open my heart without any mask. I need to be strong at home for my husband and son. I need to be strong before my parents and in-laws else it disturbs their health. With P, I have nothing to hide. I felt lighter after speaking to him.
And nothing beats face-to-face communication. The gentle smile, the touch, and eye contact cannot be replaced by phone, facebook, or any other messenger. I am glad I could actually find some time to meet him.
Long live P and friends like him.
I have read a few posts of your blog and was happy to read @ your son's improvements. Wishing that you get many such opportunities to pour your heart out and feel better.
ReplyDeleteWe all need a P somewhere sometime for some reasons that even our mind doesn't know and heart does confirm.
ReplyDelete:) nicely said.
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