2013 – Year of action

Ten years down the lane, when I look back at my life, I am sure I will be proud of the way I conducted myself in 2013. I found ways to shut negativity out of my life. The focus was on action rather than speaking. I did not mind anyone commenting on me or my son. I might have cried at the end of the day, but did not respond the next minute. I kept telling myself that there is no need for any explanations to anyone. Of course, part of the credit should also go to my husband, who was patient with me, whenever I lost control and was ready to listen to my rubbish and more importantly was ready to forget it the next minute. So, rather than discussing negative things, we moved on to the job at hand and I hope we continue to do so for the rest of our lives. As a team, we kept our focus all through the year.

2014 is going to be another crucial year and I hope we find ways to overcome our challenges and be happy.

May you turn dreams to achievements,

May you turn follies to feathers in your cap,

May you turn misfortunes to blessings,

May you make this New Year special,

Wishing you all a very happy new year.

Journey so far – Part II

There is no success without hardwork. The last post discussed the results with no mention of the efforts. This post will give you a feeling of “oh-this-lady-is-blowing-her-own-trumpet”, but that is what it is. So, feel free to skip this.

From saying “paa”,”maa”,”tha”,”na”,”va” thousand times a day, to designing flashcards in various styles to challenge you, to reading you books to improve your vocabulary, to designing worksheets to teach you “What”, “Where” and “Who”, I have done it all. I don’t remember the last time when I challenged my brain creatively. I had to be creative if I had to get answers for a series of questions from a 3-year old for close to 45 minutes. Because my son’s IQ is very good, all these efforts brought fruitful results.

From getting my son to throw a ball 100 times a day by holding his hands (which also includes I had to pick the ball 100 times) so that he could get that movement correct, holding his legs and making him kick a ball 100 times, to pushing the cycle for an hour so that he could pedal the cycle (I had to push the cycle really fast to get his interest in riding a cycle), to making him crawl under the cot to give his body workout, to taking him to the park, the list is endless.

I also had to teach him the basic things such as colors, shapes, vegetables, fruits, animals, birds, body parts, opposites, puzzles, rhymes, alphabets, numbers and all other things that children of his age know. I am still working on coloring and writing.

In the last post, I had mentioned that “I have not thought of anything apart from my son during the first 10 months of the year”. This is because there is no television in my home to distract me. (I saw Sachin Tendulkar’s farewell speech three days late. :() I knew nothing of the outside world. And during the last two months of the year, all this took a toll on me. My body was giving up. The doctor gave the verdict a few weeks back “I had become stressed and had to take sleeping pills.” So, the last two months, I took my feet off the accelerator, trying to give my body enough rest and relax. Now that I am in Chennai for a few days, all that I am doing is eating and sleeping. This is a marathon that I am running and I have to save every ounce of energy if I want to finish the marathon.

2014 is going to be yet another tough year and the journey continues…

Journey so far - Part I

Year 2013 is coming to a close and as I look back at the year, there is just one thing that comes to my mind – HARDWORK. I don’t remember any year that I have worked so hard. I don’t think I have thought of anything apart from my son during the first 10 months of the year. I was single minded, threw everything out of my life, gave my best efforts to the boy who is truly the best. And I am happy to see the progress he has made.

He has truly come a long way this year. From saying “aa oo ee” at the start of the year to saying “Close the door”, “open the door”, “Give phone”, “Wear chappal”, he has started putting words together. He has started expressing his needs in words. His vocabulary is very good and he has started answering “What” and “Where” questions. Way to go!!!

And that’s not all. He has discovered the pleasure of riding the tricycle and playing with the ball. Gross motor skills are improving and I assume he is getting confident of his body too. Playing in park has become synonymous with playing on swing.

I am in Chennai the last few days and to see my son bonding with his thatha, patti, mama and mami gives me immense pleasure. In earlier visits, he had taken a few days to warm up and by the time he started playing with them, we would leave. That was not the case this time. My dad had come to Bangalore to pick us and the first time my son saw him, he came to my dad and said thatha and took him around the house. My son has officially become thatha’s tail. To see my dad become a child again and cajole my son makes me laugh from the heart. This is the man who always had a military look when we were young. Grandparents are best.

One day, my dad was getting ready to office. He had worn his office clothes and was about to have breakfast, when my son went to him and said “swing”. And what did thatha do? Took the grandson to the park, made him play swing for half an hour, came back, had breakfast and went to office late.

My son’s favorite game these days is asking someone to lift him and drop. His mama is more than happy to do it. Once my brother comes from office, he goes to him and says “mama, thooki, thooki” (meaning lift me) and then says “dhopakateel” (meaning drop me), and my brother does the same until either of them become tired. :)

What can I say!!! May the love last forever…

Happy Birthday My Love!

Happy happy birthday kutti!

May you grow into a BIG boy showing your likes and dislikes, making friends and not-so-friends and learning to enjoy the world outside home.

May you also remain the baby, who hugs and kisses me hundred times a day, asks me to say the same rhymes fifty times a day, hits me and asks me to cry, laughs when I laugh and kisses me every night before closing your eyes.

Wishing you a very happy birthday. The dark days are over. May the light come in.

And I am uploading this image to let you know that your grandparents came from Chennai and did this! Let me also tell you they did nothing like this for your mom. Truly, grandparents are the best!

 

I am feeling younger by ten years!

It has been more than a month since I connected to the Internet.  And surprisingly, except for blogging I did not miss it. So, I went back to the traditional way of note and pen and wrote this post a month ago. 

“This is what Walt Disney would have wanted people to experience when he dreamt of Disney Land.” This was my thought when I came out of Wonderla last month. Yes, we went to Wonderla and had an awesome time. The day before the trip, I was as nervous as I can possibly be. Though the day was hectic, with a visit to the Bannerghatta National Park in the morning, I was very nervous. The reason being I was not sure how my son will react at Wonderla. This was the first time I was taking him to an amusement park. Will he get scared? Will he cry? Will he stick to me and refuse to enjoy? Will he be cranky? Will he miss home food and sleep timings? You get the drift. I had many questions and I had to wait for the answers.

The next day, my son woke up at 4: 30 a.m. Though I was upset, I thought he would sleep while travelling and would be fresh when we reach Wonderla. Exactly the same thing happened and to say my son enjoyed is like saying the sun is a star. He had a whale of a time in water, trying to imitate people who were swimming. Without any apprehension, he went for all the rides and enjoyed it. I think once he understood that all he has to do is just hold tight, he just followed it and happily sat on all rides. This also meant, I could enjoy myself in the water and in general RELAX.

It was a wonderful day and a day in which my age reduced by ten and my resolution to take him more often to such places increased ten times.

If you think all was well, let me just add that my son should have beaten me approximately 100 times in the day, simply because he refused to come down from any ride and I had to force him to get down. Hmpf.

I am tired of being strong.

Life throws you unexpected things. Today, my plan was to send my son to the school and clean the kitchen. I usually feel good after cleaning the house. It is as if I have thrown all the unwanted things out of my life. Crazy, I know. But that is how I feel.  As I was getting my son ready to school, the power went off. I waited till 11 o clock for the power to return and then decided there was no use sitting in the house. I had to collect medicines for my son, so decided to take my scooter and finish the same. As I was waiting for the signal to turn green, I realized I would actually be driving past my old organization, the one where I started my career. I then thought of P, my friend. I thought it would be nice to meet him. So while returning I called him and decided to meet.

It has been more than two years since we had met. But we started from where we had left. The time made no difference. He asked the usual question, “How are you?” If not for him, I would have answered, “I am fine / ok / good.” But with him I just open my heart. I do not have to think twice before answering anything. I guess it comes from the confidence that even without answering he would actually understand how I feel. I thought for a split second and answered “I am living somehow”. And really that is the truth.

I am actually tired of my life; tired of being strong; tired of being mature. I do not want to take any decisions, neither for me nor for anyone else. I do not want to smile at people and say I am good and I can take care of everything, when the truth is I would appreciate some help. Simple, I do not want to drive my life for some time. I wish I could find the driver whom I can trust and follow. I want to be passive. I do not even know if this is a good sign.

We spoke for 15 minutes and then I left because I had to pick my son from school. I came back home and realized this is what I am missing from life. A friend to whom I can open my heart without any mask. I need to be strong at home for my husband and son. I need to be strong before my parents and in-laws else it disturbs their health. With P, I have nothing to hide. I felt lighter after speaking to him.

And nothing beats face-to-face communication. The gentle smile, the touch, and eye contact cannot be replaced by phone, facebook, or any other messenger. I am glad I could actually find some time to meet him.

Long live P and friends like him.

Hello Tello

Hello All,

How are you? This is Aravind blogging. I had waited enough for my mom to update this blog. I think it is time I take matters in my own hand. The big news is that I am going to school for almost a month. It is so bad on my mom that she failed to update this on the blog. The school is a small Montessori school near my home and I am starting to love it. My mom was scared about sending me to school and got me books on how other kids go to school and what happens in school. But the truth is that she needed those books more for herself than me. She kept telling everyone that I will cry for a minimum of a month. But I proved her wrong. I cried for a week because I was scared about the new place. But once I realized everyone was happy to give me things that I wanted, I started playing.

Now that I have told you the main news, let me go and sleep. Will have to go to school tomorrow. Hopefully mom will start blogging again. :)
 

Good night.

Weird

Today:
During the speech therapy session, the therapist was saying something to me and in the middle of nowhere, my son looks at me and says “I love you”. Both of us (me and speech therapist) are surprised and look at him for a moment and then we make fun of him and enjoy the moment.
What is weird, You ask???
 
Yesterday:
Last evening, as I was doing some activity with my son, there was a thought in my mind as to how beautiful it would be if he says “I Love You.” I truly do not remember what happened before or next. It was just a moment’s thought and I had totally forgotten it.
Seems like weird, isn’t it?

Day before yesterday:
It was a horrible day, a day when I lost my patience and yelled at my son. The first time such a thing has happened. (I would like to believe the reason was PMS.) Add to it, there is a fight with the husband. So, the entire day was spent in a tensed state. Finally, I log in to my laptop and someone had shared this link in FB.
Totally weird!!!

Mirroring me

Films are supposed to be the mirror that reflects the society. Isn’t it? In that sense, have you ever found a film that reflects you at any point in time?

There are days when I truly feel stressed out and watch some Bollywood movies, mostly those that I have seen earlier. Last few days, there is a pattern in the way I watch these. I start with some film, watch my favorite scenes in the film and then listen to some songs of ARR (the first song is definitely this one) and then finally watch “Rock On.”Today as I watch the movie for the nth time, I realize that may be I see a part of me in Adi’s character, played by the guy whom I would love to spend an evening with, Farhan Akhtar.

I am also somewhere in between two worlds – One in which I want to live life every moment, watch movies at theatre, read my favorite books, work and enjoy the challenges that comes with it, feel satisfied at the end of the day, let me hair loose and dance….ok ok… more like jump. The other world wherein I want to wake up my baby everyday with a smile, hug him tight first thing in the morning, smile at him a lot, bath him, take him for a walk, enjoy with him in the park, try to solve puzzles with him, read books to him, sing lullabies to him, introduce him to various kinds of music, share his happiness, be a part of his world, become a child all over again and grow with him. It is a pity that both can not co-exist for me at this moment. The result of which are the compromises that I am forced to make and hence the mood swings that I have.

I should find peace soon at least for the sake of my better-half whom I am sure is annoyed at my mood swings but still does not lose his calmness. I guess I should not test his patience for long. :)

12 O’n clock

This happened a couple of days back.

Since my son can recognize 1 to 10 pretty well, I was forced to teach him 11 – 20. (He can say A-Z, recognize all the alphabets, A for apple to Z for Zebra, names of most fruits, vegetables, animals, birds, vehicles. My readers, please please tell me if there is something else that I can teach him. Because that’s all that my brain can think of and these days he feels very bored. He is truly challenging me. :() So, now he says 1 to 20 and can recognize the same.

I was in kitchen preparing some dish when suddenly my son came to the kitchen and dragged me to the hall and with such a glow in his face said “Twelve, Clock, Twelve, Clock.” Aah, my baby boy has observed that the clock has "12". Truly, a Eureka moment for the little guy.

My son,

I have just one question for you. Didn’t you realize that there is a clock in the kitchen and it also has “12” on it?:D

Moments like these are truly my reward.

Perfect day!

To me, a day that starts with music and ends with books is a perfect day. It doesn’t matter what happens during the day. That’s not totally in my control and I really can’t expect everyday to be the same. But I guess we can hope for the start and end to be peaceful. After marriage, for about two years before the baby was born, this was how my life was. First thing in the morning, I would keep the milk on the stove and switch on the TV for what else but M.S. amma’s voice. The early morning breeze combined with hot filter coffee and M.S. amma’s voice in the background was divine. Once the baby was born, sleep was the only thing that was divine. :)

What makes me happy these days is that I have transferred the same ritual to my son without my consciousness. He loves M.S. amma’s voice and can listen to her songs for an hour. (I am not kidding.) Once he wakes up, the day starts with 'Bhaja Govindam', followed by 'Vishnu Sahasranamam'. If time permits, a few of her famous songs follows. There are about 20 songs that my son loves in her voice. (We will ignore the fact that this is more a selfish motive and I finish off my morning chores during that time. We are concentrating on spiritual experience here. :))

In the evening, I take him to the park or a walk in our street and then finish off the home work activities given by therapists. All this goes until 8 p.m. And then I loudly say ‘Book Time’, he flashes his 1000 watts smile and keeps saying ‘ook ime’ until I actually give him all the books. I then go to kitchen to have dinner. After five minutes, he will bring a book to the kitchen and ask me to read it. Once we have the read book for 5-6 times, he will go and bring another book. This routine continues until I finish my dinner, clean vessels and cut the vegetables for next day. After which I sit with him to read some more books. :)

I hope I am able to continue this for all the years to come.

My son,

I guess few years down the line, I would be more than happy if the day ends with you reading “text books” :) Yes, I am a normal mother who expects her son to take the IIT – IIM route.
Hey, what happened? Why did you fall down? :)

So, readers, What is your perfect day?

The day I dreaded is here

And ironically I am not scared today. In fact I am at peace with myself. I do not know what changed because for the past two days I have been bombarding myself with questions and really feeling bad for myself. But everything changed today morning. May be I woke up from the right side of the bed. :) I knew I have taken the right decision and things will fall in place.

In case you are wondering what all this is about, let me tell you I have just decided it is time to say goodbye to my career. As I type this there is a very remote possibility that I may go back if I get some part-time option in my current company. But that is more a wish than reality.

Looking back, one thing I can honestly say is that I have given my best shot at all the roles I played. I joined my first organization as a fresher and for 3+ years was engrossed in the world of C, C++, Java and .Net and I L.O.V.E.D every single day of those years. I took up a tough project before marriage and for 3 months gave the project everything I had. I was in office from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. (much to my mom’s disapproval) on all days and I really enjoyed the challenge and hard work that I put in. I did it because I knew after marriage I would not be able to devote so much time to work and I was proved right. So, to achieve better work – life balance and to prolong my career, I moved from developer role to a writer role. Since I enjoy putting my thoughts into words I enjoyed this role also.

I moved to my second company because it was closer to home and my pregnancy got confirmed three days after I joined the company. Though the package was less, my priority was to have a better work – life balance. The company was absolutely supportive during my pregnancy and also after the child’s birth. Just when I thought I could manage both office and home, life pulled me down. My company was supportive and gave me a break for one year. I thought in one year I should be able to resolve all the issues and get back to work. Little did I know the magnitude of the challenge.

As my leave ends next month, I had to decide if I want to continue or not. Everyone around me asked me to quit. It was as if it was easier for everyone to take the decision except for the person concerned which in this case is me. (Sachin Tendulkar, I now know how you felt when people asked you why don’t you retire?) I was sad that in spite of making so many changes to prolong my career, life still finds a way to cut it short. Work gives me confidence and keeps me motivated. I want financial independence. I have my own dreams which need money and which will have to wait now.

But I am happy to say that all the questions and negative thoughts are done with. Today I am at peace with the decision I have made. I do not know how I will feel tomorrow or may be someday in future. Hopefully I should have accepted life and moved on. The guy who gives me hugs and kisses at random times needs my attention and love and may be as this door closes, the Lord will be kind to open up another door.

Wow is the word

My son,

It’s been a month since the last post and truly I have no idea how January ended. Time just flew. Before my memory lets me down, let me record what you are up to these days.

You ask everyone “o aa u,” of course with me prompting you. But it is absolutely cute when you say it. The first time I heard it, I laughed until my tummy hurt me. And its been many months since I laughed like that. So, thank you for that. (For readers wondering what it means, “How are you?”)

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Since you are officially my tail, you sit with me in the pooja room either blowing at the lamps or trying to taste the camphor or trying to play with dhoop stick. There are days when I think I am actually speaking more to you than the Almighty. But unknowingly you have also listened to all the chants I say. So, now you join me and say "Om", wait for me to complete the chant, and then say "namaha". :) I hope the Lord is happy. :)

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At night I lie down next to you and close my eyes and pretend asleep. There is just one thought in mind that I should not actually sleep before you do. And what do you do? You sing lullabies to me. Today you sang – “aa… ra…. ro, aa… re… ra…. ro". It is such a soothing feeling to listen that in your baby language. :)

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Last week, since it was Friday and I was doing some pooja at home I wore a saree. Once you woke up, as usual you came to the kitchen to see me, but did not recognize me. You thought it was someone else and went running. When I called you a few minutes later, you turned back, looked at me and then looked at the saree, came near me, asked me to sit down, kept touching the saree, all the while your smile broadening until both of us laughed. Finally you said “Wow.” Thanks my son! No one has ever said that. :)

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Truly wow is the word these days. Of course it all started with me. I started saying wow in various modulations and decibels as a positive reinforcer and you caught on to it. So, every time you are happy, like I make your favorite dish or I wear a saree or you are able to achieve some challenge or we see a new bike, you immediately say wow. I join you and say wow. Then you say wow in a higher decibel and lasting for a few more seconds. Again I say wow in the same pattern that you said and again you increase your decibel. It feels wonderful to just be part of your happy world.

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You have also become naughtier. Currently washing machine has become your favorite toy. I have the washing machine on the kitchen. The other day I see the timer on the wash tub and came to the pooja room only to hear a few strange sounds. I come running only to find that you have opened the lid and have put a few vessels inside it and you are laughing at them rotating. I give a deep sigh, remove all vessels, and wait until the timer finishes. Then I drain the tub, connect the inlet pipe to the tap and bring you out. A few minutes later you come to me and day “ eeh aah” (which is the equivalent of “thee thaa” meaning water). I go and check and see that you have taken the inlet pipe and put it on the ground and the kitchen is flooded with water. What can I say? I tried to scold you but seeing you wet shirt and pant I figured out you had a good time and just asked your dad to take care of you. Please remember there will be day when I will lose my patience. :(

Keep those naughtiness and cuteness coming.

Love you loads,
Mom