Moments 2010

It’s the last day of the year. Like every TV channel, let me do a recap of 2010. So, here goes my 2010 moments.

Moment of madness

When my friend P told me the dates of his engagement and marriage, I thought I would miss both and I was mighty upset about it. But, thanks to my idiotic manager that time, (She has left the company. So, I can safely call her idiot since she will not do my appraisal) I had to come back to Bangalore and so could attend his engagement. I wanted to make him feel special. So, after buying the formal present for his marriage, I collected photos of him, created a collage, printed, and framed. All this in one day. And since I was 8 months pregnant that time, people thought I was mad to stress myself so much.

But then, I was as excited as a kid in a candy shop and could not sleep even after two days after his engagement. :D

Moment of happiness

Contradictory to what people think, I was not happy when I knew I was pregnant. There was more fear in me than happiness. My body became weak and I needed support. So, I was wondering about the things happening to me and how I am going to take care of home and work. But, the moment when I heard baby’s heart beat, there was happiness and mind became clear that everything will be alright.

Moment of disbelief

The moment when the nurse placed a small baby beside me…. There was absolute disbelief that I have become a mom…. [And that disbelief still exists in a corner of the heart. How did I become a mom overnight?]

Moment of self-realization

The period in labor was nothing as I thought. It has brought in so many changes in me. The increased respect towards women, tolerance to pain, a greater belief in Almighty, offering help to others, importance of patience are well understood, thanks to that experience. There are some things in life that will happen only when it has to, irrespective of how much you try.

Moment of jubilation

When India won the Mohali thriller against Australia. What a match! Have you ever seen Laxman so animated.

Moment of sadness

Seeing my mom cry because of me! Never should that happen again.

Unlike other years, I am more excited for 2011. I am sure this year will bring me lots of happiness. If motherhood does not bring happiness, I do not know what will.

So, Goodbye 2010. You were great!

Welcome 2011. You will be double great!! :D

Wish you all a very happy new year!!!

CEO at 20!!

Yup… My boy is going to become a CEO at the age of 20. Can you believe at the age of three months, he is already a part of meetings?

Today, I had a meeting @ 3 PM. As most mothers do, I had to multitask since the meeting coincided with his feed time. So, at 3 PM, I joined the meeting, pt my ear phones, pressed the mute button, and started feeding my boy. The meeting was for an hour. My son drank for 15 minutes and then decided that the string attached to mom’s ears were more interesting. So, he was pulling those which resulted in many disturbances in the call. After persisting for five minutes, I decided I had to take care of him at once. So, I pressed the Speaker button. And what happens next??

The boy ignores everything and keeps looking at the mobile phone in deep concentration. (I wonder if he was taking notes mentally…. Kids these days, you may never know :)) At this rate, I am sure he will become a CEO at the age of 20. (and in every interview, my son will dedicate all his success to his mother.... *day dreaming continues*......)

And yes, I was an active participant in the meeting and sent the MoM just before typing this post!

All hail multitasking!!

3 Months (of knowing myself)

My son completed three months in this part of the universe yesterday. This post is pretty much a round up of three months.

We will start with things that I am grateful for.

- Thank you son for sleeping right through the night on most days. (A big kaala tikka) Just for records, let me tell you that there were days when you wanted to explore the night life. But they were far and few between.

- Thank you for being such a lovely baby who cries only when the stomach wants some food (Kaala tikka again). I am sure the Lord would have told you of your mom’s capabilities (or the lack of it) before you decided to see the world. Please remember always, holding a crying baby is definitely not your mom’s skill.

- Thank you for making me understand that you can be happy if you look at simple things in life and enjoy them. For example, how can you look at the clothes that are hanging outside and smile at them whenever the Chennai breeze makes them move a little. “Enjoy the little things” is going to be my mantra soon.

- Thank you for taking the vaccinations so easily (Kaala tikka again). Even after they injected you, you did not react for FIVE WHOLE MINUTES. [We will ignore that your mother cried the moment the nurse inserted the needle on your thigh] And when you cried, I fed you and you happily slept.

- Thank you for posing so wonderfully for the pictures. The moment you found out that there was some light from the camera, you kept on looking at it, and I kept on clicking (much to the dismay of the grand mother).

- Thank you for letting me discover another side of me. I never thought I will be able to wake up at 2 AM and 5 AM without an alarm.

- Thank you for laughing at all the funny faces I make. As of others, I can only pity them.

- Thank you for making your grand parents smile every single moment, forgetting all other negatives in our life. Your smile is enough to remove the cloud of sadness at home.

I hope you are in a good mood now with so many thanks coming your way. So, can I ask you for some help now?

* When your grand parents, uncle, and me are at home, you are happy to look at the fan and tube light and smile at them. But when I am the only person at home (apart from you, of course), you expect me to sit beside you ALWAYS. My son, please understand, I may also have some other important work (like eating).


* Your skin is so sensitive that most of the times I see red spots on your face. Please understand this and don’t keep on scratching some part of your body with your nails. I swear I cut your nails everyday but what can I do if it grows like loan interest rates.


Can I also place one more request? Why don't you grow a bit faster?

I can't wait to take you outside and show the entire world to you. I can't wait to read books to you? I can't wait to take you to restaurants and eat with you.

Looking forward to have fun with you.

Love,
Mom

Songs to sleep

MSV and Illayaraja try to make my baby sleep. [Well it takes a long time for them to succeed because it is sung by me]







My mom sings the following songs.

- Malarthum malaratha from paasa malar
- Athai madi methai adi
Don't laugh at the next video. I have no clue why my mom sings this!!



I will keep you updated on other songs that my son gets to listen. Poor Boy!

Jewel on the eyes

Technology based product that changed my life – Contact lens

When I was 5 years old, one of my teachers found that I struggled to copy the lessons written on the black board to my note. She doubted I might have some problem with the eye and she wrote a note to my parents asking them to check my eye sight. And that is when my relationship with eye specialists started.

My father wears glasses and hence the probability of me having some power in the eye was high. But my parents never thought I will have a power of -7 in both eyes at the age of five. So, I wore glasses with a string attached to the spectacles at the age of five. I don’t remember much from my childhood except that there was some kind of complex within me because I wore glasses. My class mates made fun of the fact that I was wearing thick glasses. [Well, nothing serious. But you know in that age, it was a BIG thing]

As I grew up, though I was comfortable with wearing spectacles, there was a still some sadness because everybody said I would look better without them. In fact, my biggest disappointment those days was I can not see for myself on the mirror how I look without spectacles. I did not like seeing my photographs and I preferred writing to myself than speaking to others. Thankfully, the brain was functioning properly. I was good at academics and also got prizes in the competitions attended. So, people stopped referring to my glasses. But a bigger problem persisted. My eye power kept on increasing. From -7, the power had increased to -12 when I completed college.

So, I thought of moving to contact lens as one eye specialist told me it might at least help in arresting the increase in power. I had to join a company in a few weeks. As the saying goes “You never get a second chance to make a first impression”. I thought it might be better to try it now since nobody would know me at a new company and I need not carry the baggage of those heavy spectacles with a big frame.

How has life changed after using contact lens??

For people, looking from outside, there may not be any major change except that there are no glasses. But for me, lots of small changes in the mind. I am confident of the way I look because I know no reference will be made to glasses. Isn’t beauty a combination of confidence and grace? When someone comments that I look good, I say a silent thank you with a smile. I have taken loads of photographs and I am happy looking at it. Today, I am good at my job and can reach out to anyone and speak confidently. Even with those heavy glasses, I might have spoken to people but after a lengthy thought process. Now, there is nothing stopping me.

But the biggest impact of using contact lens was the realization that I want to live this way, with a confident look and a happy smile always and I will not go back to those heavy frames anytime.

The problem with contact lens is that they make their presence felt always. And in bad days, you might even regret the decision. You can not wear it continuously for more than 10 hours. Traveling will be a problem on rainy days. Add to it, working in the IT industry is no good for the eye. So, I further decided to go for LASER surgery and get the power corrected. Thanks to the doctors, today I have 6/6 vision.

Had I not used contact lens, I might have never gone for surgery. It was that experience without glasses that made me realize that the surgery will help me portray myself in a better way and will help me reach my goals.

You never spoke a word,
I never bothered.

But you look away,
And make my heart sway.

Your eyes told a story,
Don’t close them and make me lonely.

This is submitted as part of Blogadda contest – technology based device, product, or service that changed your life.


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Mother's Instinct

Let me introduce my maternal grand mother (GM) to you. She got married early, as was the habit in those times. My grand father (GF) left her soon after marriage and ran away. I have no answer to why he did so. You can imagine the trouble a married woman without her husband would have faced in those times. People came up with all stories. Some said my GF was dead, some said that he got remarried. The society wanted her to act and dress as a widow.

Her only support was her father. He believed that my GF will come back. He gave a share of his property to my GM too. But after his death things changed. My GM’s brothers told her that her husband will not come back. They convinced her to transfer the property to their names since they have to take care of her from then. My GM did the same. But after 20 years, my GF came back. But my GM’s brothers refused to transfer the property. My GM and GF lived together. They had many children. They had little money, but they lived happily. My GF died early. So, she single handedly got her sons and daughters married.

Because of all this, my GM never expects anything from anyone. Whatever you ask, she will always have positive comments to tell you. (In fact, during my early cooking days, whatever I make she was the only person who said it tasted good. :) ) She has no demands and accepts whatever life throws at her. She has immense patience and has the heart to forgive everyone (even her brothers, who cheated her). Even at the age of 94, she washes her clothes. Even when others treat her badly, she does not complain.

Two months back, she came to our place for the naming ceremony on my son and she was in tears. She told my son that she never imagined that she would be alive to see him. She stayed with us a few days and left to my chiti’s (my mom’s younger sister) house. Before leaving she told us that this would be the last time she will be visiting us.

Few days after she left, my mom fell down and got her leg fractured. My mom was upset as there was a new born at home, which results in lot of work. Since, I can not strain my body, my dad had to wake up early, cook food, take my mom to hospital, wash baby's clothes, and leave to office (He became a superman overnight. :)). I took care of my mom and baby. If this was not enough, a week later, she fell down again and this time her left hand was fractured. We did not inform anyone about the fracture in the hand though my GM knew about the fractured leg. My mom became mentally upset and started crying non stop. Every time the baby cried, she started feeling bad that she can not lift the baby.

The same day, my grand mom told my chiti that she wants to see my mom and asked her to take her to my home. Since my GM is very old and needs support for walking, my chiti was hesitant. She tried to convince my GM saying that she had visited my mom only few days earlier and she need not strain her body. My GM was upset and stopped speaking to her. This was a shock to her as my GM never reacts this way. As mentioned earlier, she never demands anything.

My chiti called my mom and told her about this. My mom started crying and told her that she had fractured her hand too and asked her not to bring GM as she might become upset. But nothing works and my GM is adamant that she wants to meet my mom.

Finally, my GM visits my mom and they all cry together and I make fun of them.

Now, what made her behave that way on that day? Is it just a coincidence or a mother’s instinct? I thought all these mother sentiments happened only in movies.

Again, before leaving my GM tells us that this will be the last time she will be visiting our home and I smile at her.

Parents Vs Grandparents

Scene 1:
25 years back, I cry.
Dad: Calls his wife and asks her to lift the baby.
Now, my son cries.
Grand dad: Lifts the baby, calls his daughter, and shouts at her for making the baby cry.

Scene 2:
25 years back, my dad leaves for office. I run towards him and shout “Tata, Bye Bye”. Dad thinks I am crazy and asks me to study!
Now, the grand dad waits for 5 minutes for the baby to move his head from left to right, wishes him good bye, and leaves for office.

Scene 3:
For the past 25 years, dad calls me ‘Paapu’.
Now, the grand dad calls ‘Paapu’, I run to him and find that he is speaking to the baby.

I can give you many more instances. But I stop here since I am sure you would have understood that I am no more the ‘kutti’ in the house. :( Oh no! I do not want to grow up. I totally understand what my (elder) brother would have felt all these years when he accused my dad of being partial to me.

And what about grand mom you ask? Very simple! The following two sentences are repeated often.

When I accept her opinion, you will hear “This is what I did when you were young. That’s why you are good today.”

When I differ from her, you will hear “This is what I should have done with you were young. That’s why you are like this. (said in a tone which means I do not deserve to be at home. :) )”

My son is fortunate to have such wonderful grand parents. I envy him sometimes!

Reborn!

Yes people. I was reborn on September 16 @ 3:23 PM. In appreciation of my work in the previous birth, God has given me a baby boy to take care of. And yes, I can’t thank Him enough for this.

Before I start my birth story, I have a few messages to the entire whole world.

To all the guys in the world:

Never ever show disrespect towards any women. You have no idea how much pain she already has to endure.

To all the women who have more than two kids: *

I am still wondering what motivated you to have more than two kids.

To all the married women who are waiting to become pregnant:

I have just one advice for you all. Expect the unexpected.

To all the single women:

In case you have plans to get married and have kids, do not read further.

Ok. Now that all the messages are done, let me tell you how my experience in the labor room.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was to be admitted in the hospital on Wednesday (15^th Sep) at 7 PM. I did the regular pooja at home and I really had no clue what to pray. I was mentally prepared to accept anything and hence was pretty calm. I do a namaskaram to the God and then to my parents. (My dad comments that all this will not induce pain and hence to stop acting :))

So, we left for the hospital @ 6:30 PM. Once the room was allocated, the first thing I did was to have dinner at the hospital. I was in good mood, cracking jokes, making fun of the hospital idlis (Really, Why do hospital idlis make one feel so sick?), and relaxed. Nurses came and checked my BP and took me to the labor room to check the baby’s heart beat, movement and the position. Everything was normal and I waited for my doctor’s arrival. In the mean time, my in laws also came and I am all smiles and look mentally strong. (People in fact made fun that I look like a NCC commander :)). After everybody left, its just me and my mom at the hospital.

10:30 PM: The doctor arrives and injects a gel to induce pain. She comments that I am very favorable to her treatments. My ego, which already thinks that my tolerance levels to pain are high, is boosted and I feel good. I really think I am mentally strong for labor.

And that’s where the story takes a U-turn.

11:00 PM: The gel starts working real quick and I have pains in my back. Baby’s heart beat and movements are constantly monitored. My pains start increasing and I am struggling to lie on the back. The machine is irritating and I do not feel baby’s movements. An injection is given to increase the pain.

16^th Sep 2:00 AM: I am moved out of the labor room to the patient’s room. I am more than happy to be with my mom. Both of us try to sleep but couldn’t. I try to walk as I feel slightly better while walking. The pains continue to increase and my mom starts praying religiously. I start vomiting and I am a bit tired. But mentally I still think I can take this.

3:00 AM: Another injection to increase the pain.

4:00 AM: Another injection to increase the pain.

5:00 AM: I am in real bad pain and the nurses decide to take me to the labor room. My back pain increases and I am not able to lie on the bed. My doctor visits and checks and tells me that I am just 3cm dilated. I think I had my first heart attack at that time. (I start calculating mentally how long it will take for me to be 10 cm dilated. 3cm in 7 hours, so for 10 cms……. And then mind stops working) Doctor decides that the progress is very slow and my membranes are ruptured. This time all my control is lost and I am crying badly. I am again moved to the patient’s room.

All my relatives arrive. My vomiting continues and I have no energy whatsoever. I try walking for some time. But every time the contractions come, I fall down.

This continues for the next few hours.

10:30 AM: I am again taken to the labor room. I am crying and shouting non stop. I am not able to stand on my own. The duty doctor examines and tells that I am only 6 cms dilated. They decide to move me back to the patient’s room. I plead the doctor to do something and take the baby out. Nothing works and I am moved to the patient’s room again.

The only thing I remember from now is that I was in pain shouting God’s names every time the contraction hits hard.

One of the nurses takes pity on me and gives me steam bath which temporarily made my back feel better.

1:00 PM: Enema is given and I am moved into the labor room. As time goes on, all my positive attitude goes out of the window. I vomit again and the entire world starts spinning. I think today will be my last day and I will not move out of this room. I pray God to ensure that the baby is fine and to take care of the baby even after my death.

The doctor comes and examines and I am 8 cms dilated.

2:00 PM: I am completely dilated and the doctor asks me to push. I try but I have no energy. In the process of trying hard, I bite my lips and blood comes from my mouth.

2:30 PM: The doctor decides that I might need some help and nurses help me in pushing. But the pain is too much for me to endure. I shout asking them to cut me open and take the baby out.

3:00 PM: The doctor decides on vacuum delivery. She tries for four times with no success.

3:23 PM: Fifth time, the doctors are successful. The baby comes out but I do not hear baby’s crying sound. I am a little worried and ask the doctors about the baby. They were all busy examining the baby. Finally, after 5 minutes I hear the baby’s voice.

Next one hour is spent stitching me up and I am again shouting in pain.

5:00 PM: One of the nurses come near me and place a package next to me. I did not even realize that it’s the baby. She then asks me to feed the baby. I look next to me and a tiny face is seen. I smile at the baby and I feel so wonderful. I feed the baby and thankfully there were no problems here. The baby then kept looking at the light. Few minutes later, he smiles. I feel divine at this moment and thank God for everything.

But sooner, the pains come back and I sleep peacefully. After some time when I moved to the patient room, I do not know why I cried but I cried non stop. My dad comes and looks at me first and we share a lovely dad-daughter moment with both of us crying. Later with a few pain killers I survive the day.

But even now, as I try to recapture the days in hospital, there is still a sense of fear and shock within me. The entire experience of pregnancy and labor has made me realize that mothers are truly God’s messengers.

* Any comment reminding me of Bhagyaraj's dialogues will be ignored. :)

Past, Present, and Future

Disc: Long post alert.

For all those who had decided that this blog is dead, let me just say “Better luck next time.” (And next time may actually come very soon…. :)) And thanks to H for making me write this post. Else I don't think I would have written two lines.

Ok. So why no updates for a looooong time. Simple, straight forward reason. I was plain lazy. There were a zillion things in my head but when you are at mom’s place, there are more important things like trying out new dishes with your dad, eating all your favorite dishes that mom makes, chatting non stop over absolutely useless things, sleeping without switching on the alarm, watching TV, fighting with your brother, and the list goes on………… So, my blog obviously took a back seat.

But then, today is an important day. Since my baby has decided not to trouble me by giving any sort of pain until now, my doctor has asked me to get admitted today evening. My mental state can be easily described as a combination of tension, nervousness, fear, confusion, trust in the Almighty, expectation, happiness, and a few other feelings which can not be described. (Now, wasn’t that an easy description :)) I have no idea how today is going to change my life or what to expect from tomorrow. So, I guess today is the right time to tell you all how last few months have been wonderful and welcome the baby in the tummy to the outside world.

I had written a post earlier on how to appreciate the unexpected things in life. The pregnancy made me realize how beautiful the world is if you really make an effort to look at the positive aspects of life.

- I am sure every girl will realize that their parents are the best in the whole universe. Words are truly not enough to describe that feeling. The bond between the daughter and parents reaches a new level altogether. Dad and mom, I love you lots and can’t wait to see you become grandparents. [I also know that I will be totally ignored from tomorrow. I am getting mentally prepared for it :(]

- My parents had moved to a new house last year. This meant I do not know any of the neighbors. But how do you feel, when one fine day one of the neighbors come home and give you sweet vada (the first time I ate vada that was sweet and it was yummy) just because you are pregnant and you may like them. And another neighbor beings you flowers from nearest temple, and another gives you sevai to eat because you may like them. Truly people, I feel blessed. God bless these lovely souls.

- And what about the neighbor kid who is 2 years old and comes and asks me everyday how the papa is doing. And every time she ate a chocolate, she gave one to me so that paapa can taste it. :) [Yes, I dutifully ate it to let my paapa taste. :)]

- All those relatives of yours, who would have spoken to you 10 times in 25 years, call you every week to check how you are doing and offer help at any time. I really never thought these can happen. [It’s another story that me and my mom think there might be some other motive behind this. But let us ignore that for now.]

- And before I left Bangalore, my neighbor invited me home for dinner and gave me bangles, flowers and all those traditional things and gave me a proper farewell. What made them show such unconditional love? I can only wonder.

What can I say? Life just feels great. A new beginning is in store for me and I hope and pray that my baby continue to receive such love all through his life. (For people who read between the lines, let me clarify I do not know the gender yet.)

Last few days have been very tension filled. Everything seems normal. Baby has descended and is in correct position. Baby’s growth is normal. But I experience no pain, which actually has surprised the doctor. So, I have been taking long walks, eating things that might trigger pain, praying continuously. But nothing has worked.

But, today seems different. I guess I have the correct attitude now. As they try to induce pain medically, I hope pain starts and progresses and I am able to deliver the baby normally. Even otherwise, I know that whatever happens, God and doctors decide what is best for me and the baby, and I am ready to accept it. Fingers crossed though.

And how can I end this post without welcoming my baby.

Dear Kutty,

You have made me experience so much love and affection this year. If this is how life is even before I see you, I can’t imagine how future is going to be.

I hope I am able to love you the same way.

Meet you soon.

Love,

Mom

PS: People who read this today, please keep me in your prayers.

My mom’s world

As with most daughters, I was and am attached to my dad. I love him, respect him, and adore him. He is truly my hero. He is one of the very few people whose company I enjoy. Of course, just like everybody else he has his own share of negatives. But once you love someone so much, you learn to overlook those.

What about mom? Well, I was never close to my mom. I don't know why. I love her and would do anything for her. But, in case I had any problem, let me say mom was not the first person I would go to. I was actually slightly afraid of her. I was never able to appreciate her emotions and thoughts. To be honest, there were days when I thought my mom was lucky to have my dad as partner.

But all this changed once I got married. It was truly a revelation for me. I understood my mom better. I got a view of how her world should have been in the past. For someone who came from a financially weak family, who had lost her father a year before her marriage, and who cannot go back to her mom because the family was already struggling, marriage should have posed quite a few challenges.

She had to take care of my dad's two younger brothers. One of the brothers had a few medical problems so she had to prepare separate dishes for him and the rest of the family. She had to wake up at 4 am to complete her chores. Those were the days before phones became part of house hold. So, with no conversation or very little conversation with the family, I can understand how lonely she would have felt. Add to it, her MIL and SIL were not very supportive. She was always looked down because of her financial status. She never raised her voice and was afraid of every one of them. My dad was her only pillar of strength.

I guess all those years of untold loneliness and sorrow was probably the reason she became very vocal later on.

This year Lord has been extremely kind and has blessed me with the opportunity to experience motherhood. Last few months as I am getting ready to become a mom, I understand my mom so much better. Much better than all those years I stayed with her. I am seeing a different side of her – of a practical woman.

As I struggled in the first few months of pregnancy, my mom was with me giving me physical and emotional support all the way. Whenever my dad overreacted on any issue because of the love he had for me and it was difficult for him to see me struggling, she would keep her cool and ask me to ignore his comments. She was the practical woman.

She would tell me incidents of how things happened during her pregnancy, how she had to wait until the 9^th month to go to her mom's place, how my dad reacted when my brother and I was born (looks like his initial reaction of a girl was not a happy one :) I guess he knew that his boss has arrived :)), how she managed all alone with no support, how she would catch a bus and go for monthly check ups alone and many more. All these stories made me truly realize how much she had endured all her life.

After I was born, my mom's younger brother and sister also stayed with us. Mom had taken the responsibility of getting them married to good families. My dad's brother also got married. All these marriages meant there was not much of savings in the initial years. So, from the time we were born, mom and dad sacrificed a lot. They have never spent anything on themselves. They saved every single penny to give us good education. That was their only motto.

Today, though we are in a financially better position, my mom fights for every single rupee that is spent. My brother mostly will be the target. Visits to the theatre, CDs, outside lunch are all ways of wasting money, as per my mom. Given her past, we understand her mindset.

But what hurts me most is sometimes when her innocence comes out. Whenever she asks for cone ice cream, or when she buys some cosmetics, or when she asks for some books, moments like these makes me realize how many years it has taken for her to experience the smallest desires of her.

Mom, I truly understand your struggles and their effects on you. I hope to fulfill every single wish of yours. Love you…!

And Dad, you are lucky to have mom with you. Today, your brothers and sisters are proud of you and us because of mom. Stop fighting with her. :)

Good and bad of June

June, the month that I was so looking forward to, is failing to live up to the expectations. Sigh!

I was so excited that I will be travelling to Singara Chennai in mid-June. No tension, No house work, Lots of chatting, Friends, Relatives, Lots of pampering, Laughter, Love.........the list was so exciting.

But one thing that I never knew was all those people planning to get married came to know that marriage has to be done before June 15th (or 17th actually), failing which the bride will change her decision.

So, I have four weddings in the first half of June in Chennai, all of which I can not attend and none in the second half. Life is definitely not fair, I say! I demand justice. But I dont know whom to ask? :(

Kids are the best I say!

Kids are the best mood-shifters. They have the magic wand to make you jump from a bad mood to happiness.

Imagine a dull Saturday, you are in one of your sulkiest best and with lot of effort move out of your home to a nearby temple just to get some fresh air and at least make your body active. Walk as leisurely as possible, reach the temple, ask the Lord the same stupid question – "Why it happens only to me?", do a few rounds of the temple, feel exhausted, and decide to sit in one corner and look at the sky brooding over something.

You see a few images of people walking past you, of someone looking at you, someone waving at you but nothing is registered in the mind. And then suddenly someone pats at your shoulders, you turn back and look at a kid showing you 4 teeth and waving "Bye" at you. It takes a moment for you to come back to this world. You look at the kid, without thinking hug the kid, give a kiss, and then wave a happy and loud "Bye." Oh wonderful!!! :)

So, you are now happy and walk faster back home noticing all the kids playing and one small girl comes near you and says "Hi Akka!!!" Akka it is!!! After being called 'aunty' and 'maami' (that too on the day of marriage) for two years, it feels great that someone still considers me "akka." No prizes for guessing, I kissed the kid and said "Hi kutty…." :) Life is lovely I say…

Wide Angle - Lovely moments

Well... where shall I start? If I say I am happy, it does not do justice to the feelings of heart.

When I saw the contest conducted by Blogadda to write a tribute to Anil Kumble, I thought I should give it a go. I had not updated the blog for months together because of health and emotional reasons. But cricket is an addiction and really can not stop myself. I finally spent a few hours in writing and at the end of it felt wonderful. It was reliving those moments when I had watched those matches and had post-match conference with my mom and brother. :)

I was happy to win the contest but really did not know much about the book and was not sure what to expect in it. But everything changed when I actually got the book last week. Surely, camera is to capture lovely moments and relive those later. And that's exactly what happened with me. I spent the entire weekend looking at those pics. (It helped that power cuts in Bangalore are at its worst. :( ) Let me leave you with two of my most favorite photos.

1] Rahul Dravid, Man of the match in Adelaide Test.

In this test, Ponting scored 200 and blew a kiss to his wife. And when Dravid scored 200, he kissed Indian cap. Me and my brother, who hate Ponting, started comparing the two and made some really sarcastic comments. :) Oh those days!!!

2] Well, what shall I say about this. Fab five - thanks for all the happiness you provided us.

Thanks Blogadda for the contest and the book.

PS: Pardon the image quality. My digicam did not work and hence pics taken from mobile. :(

Reunion – The End

This post is submitted for the Mystery Fiction Blog Contest at Blogadda. Ajay Nair has written a story called "Reunion," laying out some clues. We are given the chance to solve the mystery.

My take is given below.

After Lila spoke to all the ghosts from her past, she decided it was time to make her move. Each of their actions indicated that they did not love her at all. They did not care for her. Even when they knew she had only a few years left, they decided to come empty-handed with no apologies at heart.

"Life is unfair," she decided. How can those people lead a normal life when she has to die? She decided to execute her plan. She had nothing to lose. She had only a few years left and had no one to care for her. Her desire to live reduced and taking revenge became the priority.

She thought of M. and crumpled his scarf in anger. The porcelain cup brought her memories of those six years and she threw them on the floor in disgust. Thoughts of R reminded her of the beads and she threw them to the bathroom. She looked at the arm band. Yeah, she was the snake. She believed in revenge – revenge against people who did not care for her. The arm band made her realize that even blood relation is not trustworthy and mangled the arm band.

She finally took the bullet from the pendant and killed herself. Last few minutes she felt satisfied that she had acted smartly and the cops will ruin the lives of the people in her past.

Sentences that made me think it is a suicide are:

"Lila was smart"

"In my invitation, she'd mentioned that she'd only a few years left to live and wanted to bury the past."

"Everyone knew she was suffering."

"After all, there was only one person in this house capable of killing Lila." – Well, I thought it has to be all or none. Everyone tried to murder her or no one did it.

And somehow the arm band in the shape of snake made me think of revenge. I know I am following Bollywood tradition. :)

Anil Kumble - The spin machine

If we think of sporting heroes, we can always classify them into two categories.

1. Naturally talented people who worked hard
   
2. Mentally tough people who understood their limitations and worked hard to overcome them
   

Sir Don Bradman, Sachin Tendulkar, Brian Lara, Shane Warne, Viv Richards belong to the first category while Steve Waugh, Anil Kumble, Rahul Dravid, Glenn McGrath belong to the second. The first set of people get a lot of attention, praise, and motivation to succeed; the world looks at the second set only after they succeed. But make no mistake – It's the second set of people who motivate ordinary men to conquer impossible things and become a role model. Such a role model is Anil Kumble.

Great Player - someone who believes in himself and faces challenges head on

"The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. The great champions have all come back from defeat."

Anil Kumble always had the ability to prove the world wrong. After his test debut in 1990, he waited for two years to record his first come back. His figures of 6 for 53 at Johannesburg proved the world that he is here to stay.

For ten years he was India's match winner. During those ten years, he scripted test series victories against England (1993), Zimbabwe (1993), Srilanka (1994), New Zealand (1995), and Pakistan (1999). Ten years is a long time and though his mind was always energetic, his body needed rest. His shoulder needed a surgery. After the Australian series in 2001, Harbhajan Singh emerged as the first choice spinner and it was increasingly difficult for Kumble to play away tests.

In December 2003, Kumble got a chance to play the second Test against Australia after Harbhajan Singh was injured, and delivered one of his best performances; taking 24 wickets over three Tests as India drew the series. Throughout the series, Kumble demonstrated that he can be as potent a strike bowler overseas as at home and lodges his next comeback.

Injury caught up again in 2004 and was ruled out of the one-day series against Pakistan but made the Test squad. Four wickets on the fourth day of the third and final Test at Rawalpindi scripted India's first-ever series win in Pakistan.

He was declared misfit for one-day and was dropped from the one day squad in 2005. Disappointed Kumble, returned to domestic first-class cricket after six years, in the Ranji Trophy season opener in Delhi. He came back to Kotla for the second test against Srilanka and takes 10 wickets yet again. In 2006, bowled India to a historical series victory in the Caribbean, 35 years after they last did so under Ajit Wadekar. Took 6 for 78 to bowl West Indies out for 219 as they chased 269 at Sabina Park.

He injured his shoulder again in 2006, is dropped from Champions Trophy. He returned in 2007 – announced retirement from one day, scored a maiden Test hundred at the Oval, became the captain of India after Rahul Dravid's resignation, faced tough test in Sydney test with controversies around and motivated the team to win the next test at Perth.

The tale of Kumble is not scripted by God. Because it's not rosy everywhere. It's a tale scripted by a man with an extra-ordinary mind which knew how to overcome challenges, and a heart which appreciated others as much as he enjoyed his own success.

A visionary

Today, if India is ranked as No.1 in Tests, it is because of Sachin, Rahul, Sourav, Laxman, and Kumble. They envisioned it first. They were the ones who could not enjoy the test victories at home. Wherever they went, people told them – "Lions at home, cats outside." They wanted to knock this tag off and they wanted to win away tests badly. And they instilled the same desire in Sehwag, Zaheer, Harbhajan, and a whole lot of youngsters.

While it is easier for the batsman to do it, for a spinner bowling in greener pitches is a challenge. Still Kumble wanted to do it. And his performances of 7 for 159 at Headingley in 2002, 5 for 154 at Adelaide in 2003, 8 for 141 at Sydney in 2003, 4 for 47 at Rawalpindi in 2004 are evidences of how when the batsman scored runs outside, Kumble's pressure was too much for the opposition to handle.

An ardent student

After he broke Kapil's record of 434 wickets, the world accepted him as a master of his craft. Being an ardent student of the game, he added new weapons to his deadly flipper. When he had to take a break because of his shoulder, he perfected the slow, loopy googly, added variations to his leg break, used the crease to great effect, and varied his angles.

Achieving success is easier than retaining it. Because anybody, even if he has not faced the bowler, knows exactly what the bowler's action is, the wrist position, the kind of deliveries that he would bowl, before actually playing a match against him. You have to keep bowling different variations if you have to be successful and these variations brought a new dimension to Kumble's bowling.

Coming from South India where education is the top priority, he took the education a little further. He gave himself homework, analyzed the batsmen, scrutinized his own bowling, and made detailed plans. Such was his discipline.

Gentleman Captain

"Only one team was playing in the spirit of the game."

The cricketing fraternity gave importance to these words because of the man who uttered them. The personality of Kumble, the respect he commands from his team and the opposition, the calmness in his voice combined with truth in his eyes ensured the controversy of Sydney test was outside the Indian dressing room. He kept his cool and led the team admirably both on and off the field.

As a captain who believed in cricket doing the talk, he motivated his team to conquer Perth and bring the much needed happiness and calmness after the storm.

100% cricketer

When we think of Kumble, the first image that comes to mind is this.

This is the most visible expression of Anil's commitment. But let's not forget, it is these long tiring spells and endless commitment that makes Kumble one of India's greatest match winner.

"Anil Kumble became the best cricketer he could be" – Shane Warne

This above quote from the spin wizard himself sums it up quite nicely. Here is a man who extracted every ounce of energy from within to extract the bounce from the pitches.

"You need to teach people how to get wickets, not go on about technique," Kumble says

True, cricket is played in the mind. Once your mind is set to become a strike bowler, it does not matter if you spin the ball 4 inches away to go past the outside edge or if you spin just a few cms to get the outside edge to the first slip.

I consider sports closest to the challenges of everyday's life. Success and defeat happens every day in sports. Watching a sportsman go through the highs and lows are lessons in itself. And the biggest lesson to learn from Anil 'Jumbo' Kumble is "Never, never, never, give up."

This entry is posted as a part of the Contest by BlogAdda.com

Edited to Add: YAY!! I won the contest. Click here to know the details. Thanks to all who encouraged me with your lovely comments and to those who read and did not comment (yes, yes, its you...)

One month……

To all those who came to the blog for new posts, I apologize. Last one month I have realized and understood that "No man is an island."

What's new you ask? It's new to me. All this while I sincerely believed I can take care of everything in my life. In case of any challenges, speak to people; ask them what to do, but do it yourself has been my policy. All this changed last month.

I am self-dependent person. I don't ask anyone for favors. But I realized there will be days when you cannot wake up from bed, when you cannot cook your own meals, when you cannot tie a sari yourself, when you cannot comb your hair and may more…

It was difficult. I fought all these and put up a brave face saying I can do all this. Tomorrow will be normal. How wrong I was. I had to accept that my life has changed.

Am I sounding too negative? Well if so, then let me correct that. The biggest realization of all was that "Even when you do not ask for help, even when you deny others help and say you can manage, parents know the best." My mom and dad traveled the next week and I cannot tell you how I felt that day. No one in life can match the love, affection, and care of parents. I thank God for blessing me with such wonderful parents and pray for their happiness and well being every single day.

Farewell – Thanks & Good Bye

Farewell mail that I sent today to my colleagues.

Apprehensive about first job,
But confident about myself,
I landed at XXXX four years back.

Days of deadlines followed,
Pressures built up,
I was thrown into this world of IT.

When the going became tough,
I struggled to meet my own standards,
Caring colleagues, Loving friends restored my confidence.

Before I could realize,
I found the roles reversed,
As enthusiastic people joined the team.

As time went on,
With so many opportunities coming my way,
I grew personally and professionally.

I shifted teams,
Expanded my wings,
Learning new things every day.

Taking all these experiences,
I move ahead in life,
To continue my learning process.

Thanks for being there,
To support me,
And help me become what I am today.

I say good bye,
Wishing you all
lots of success and happiness!!

Is everything counted??

In sports, everything is counted, isn't it? There are so many statisticians involved in every sport.

Cricket, for ex., is a game of numbers. A batsman with an average of over 50 in Test cricket over a long period is great. Similarly a bowler is judged based on his strike rate. But is everything that a player does on the field is counted?

Every run scored by a batsman…Yes

Every wicket taken…Yes

Every catch taken…Yes

Every catch taken, even as a substitute...Yes

But what happens when a batsman requests for a runner? Is the runner's effort counted? I don't think so. And that's exactly my question. Why?

Similarly, when a runner makes a mistake or gets himself run out, why should the player who played the ball leave the field?

Why is one being accountable for another's mistake?

Just wondering, are there any cases like these in other sports? And is there a way the runner's effort can be logged?

Please let me know your answers.