What a way to end the day!!!

You know the day is going to be bad when you wake up with a head-ache. Add to it, I had to take my baby to the therapy class at 7:45 a.m. So, I tried to finish things as fast as I could and rushed to the class. My son did not understand anything about the rush and wanted to see the pigeons before going inside the class. (I am so jealous of him for this one reason. :( ) At the class, he decided he wanted to see the light and the fan and the chairs and the table and cried when he was asked to concentrate. After 45 minutes, I paid a handsome amount and wiped the tears across my son’s face (and wiped my eyes too).

Reached home and started doing other chores. My bad mood was getting worse and who else but the husband had to face the pain of it. Thankfully, he was in one of his better moods and hence there was no tension. The rest of the day progressed with me applying balm on my head and massaging my son’s cheeks.

After our regular walk and my fight to make him say a few sounds (which I lose every single time), I called my mom. While I maintained my calmness during the first half of the conversation, the second half took a U-turn and I raised my voice. Unfortunately, in the second half I was speaking to my dad. So, I shouted at my dad and said good night and cut the call.

My mood was worst now and I was questioning myself on the things I said and so on. Then, my baby wants to read books. I take a book titled “Who am I” and even before I place the book on the floor, my baby says “whooai.” I am thrilled and clap hands and the mood starts to get better. We read a few books and in one of the books there is a mirror. Usually, I ask him to look at the mirror and ask him what his name is and answer it myself. Today I asked, “What is your name?” and then said “My name is” and paused and looked at him. He looked at me for a few seconds and said “A….in.” What a lovely moment. Yet again my eyes were moist but the heart was swelling with pride. All my energy had returned and I started jumping with joy (I promise I did. One of the few advantages of having no other adult at home is that you can become a child yourself).

My mom calls and says sorry for the words that my dad had said and I tell her to forget all that and tell her that her grand son tried to say his name. Clearly, she is happy and I knew she was crying at the other end.

Well, if this is how a day is going to end, then I truly do not mind having head-ache, stomach ache, back ache or all together. Though, I am not sure if I will wake up.

Good night folks.

And this is why I started a blog!

The only advantage of having my birthday close to my son's birthday is that the walls still reflect the birthday mood. Yeah, its my birthday today. Happy birthday to me.

Guess the number of people who called me to wish apart from my parents, brother and chiti - TWO. And those two follow my blog regularly. (You know who!!!! Thanks buddies and really sorry for not picking up the call first time. *goofy smile*) I guess this is a reflection how my life has been last year. I have really lost contact with all my friends. My life has revolved around my son. I have not attended any function except my dad's 60th birthday. No visits to friend's place. No outings. In fact, I have not chatted with any of my friends for a long time.

And this has also made me realize how much of a support I have drawn from this blog. Every time I wanted to speak to someone, I have blogged. Blog has been an emotional support acting as a outlet and at the same time providing a clarity of thoughts that comes along with finding words for your feelings.

Thank you blog and hoping that I come to you as often as possible. :)

Happy Birthday dearest!

Happy Birthday dearest!

You turn two today! As I look back at the year, there is just one single feeling in my heart – maternal pride. The year started with you having viral fever and ended with a respiratory infection. In between, I took you to strangers aka therapists, who are helping you achieve the development milestones. And if that was not enough, I trained you at home all the time.

I am amazed at how we have faced this year. I often consider this as a battle and I know you are my biggest support. It would have not been easy if you did not respond to my efforts. But you did. A couple of weeks back one of the therapists appreciated me for my efforts telling me that she has not seen such fast recovery with any other kid and it was all because of my efforts. I told her that this was a combined effort. I always knew you had the intelligence. I can see the glow in your face. You just needed a spark and I just did that.

But what is more important is that in between all this, you have not lost your charm. You smile at anyone who smiles at you. You can easily steal over anyone’s heart with your smile. You love kids. I can only wish you have this smile all through your life irrespective of whatever situation you face.

This year since I have been mostly at home, you have become almost my tail. You follow me everywhere I go. You move with others only if I am in the same room. Else you come in search of me. I wish you mingle with others too with the confidence that you can go back to your mom any time.

This year we have started reading books and you love them. You want me to read some books over and over again. I am not sure what you like in books. But there are some favorites and you smile whenever you see those books. (Humpty – Dumpty, Baby Animals, What does Baby Say? are some of your current favorites) Let’s start reading story books soon and let your imagination fly.

All in all, this year has become an important year and a year in which you have blossomed beautifully. Next year is also a crucial one and I hope you start speaking soon and may be we can enjoy your childhood as it has to be enjoyed.

Wishing you all the love and happiness ahead.

Love,
Mom

Mothers I tell you!

What do you think would have triggered the following reactions?

Relative: How did you do it?
Friend: Cool….
Brother: Good.
Husband: *gives a second look*

And finally…

Mother: You never follow whatever I say and this is what will happen. *followed by a series of advice*

In case you have not figured out yet, I told them I have moved from size XL to L.

Breaking point

I am not sure if every person has a breaking point – a time when they just feel defeated. But if such a thing exists, then either I have reached that point or somewhere close to it. September is usually a month that I look forward to. It’s the month of celebration since my birthday, my son’s birthday and my brother’s birthday fall this month. Not this time.

On September 2nd, my son started having cold and later that day he was having temperature. I gave him the usual medicines but it did not seem to work. He also started having cough. On September 4th, I took him to the doctor who gave him antibiotics and syrup for cough. On September 5th, he started having vomiting and loose stools and during night he was struggling to breathe. I took him again to the doctor on September 6th and the doctor had one look at him and said he had to be admitted. He had got a severe respiratory infection and his chest was infected.

It has to be the worst feeling to see your active kid with an IV injected lying on bed with trips and looking dull. He was on trips for four days. Every time a doctor or nurse came, he started crying. He was just so scared to see new people who came and gave him injections and medicines and I am sure IV would have also given pain. He looked confused unable to understand what everyone was doing and hence could not cooperate with them. Finally after a series of antibiotics and medicines and nebulisation, he was discharged on September 10th at 8:30 p.m. He had to undergo nebulisation for a week and hence hospital visits continue.

In between all this, I caught his infection and was having a pretty bad cough and cold. I could not take any medicine since I was afraid it would make me sleep. I had to be awake to ensure he did not shake his hand during the night. All in all, a real tough scenario.

The reason why I think all this has made me feel defeated is:

1] All this has meant I could not take him for any therapies for last two weeks and I am not sure how much of an impact this would have.
2] After struggling for almost 2 months, he was saying a few sounds. But after this entire hospitalization episode, he is not saying any of those except “dha”.
3] I was potty training him and all my effort has gone waste since he was on diapers during hospital stay. In addition, he also has rashes.

I truly feel defeated. As if there is someone above who wants to see how much can I take and is consciously making my situation worse.

The only positive in all this is that my dad and mom came immediately to help me. I called my dad and told him that the doctor has asked to admit my son. His immediate response was, “Admit him, I will be there as soon as possible.” And then he cut the call. What would I do without such loving parents!

Putting together

Have you ever fixed a jigsaw puzzle? Have you experienced the happiness and agony it brings? Every time you think you have got the correct piece and start putting together the other pieces, only to realize that you have hit another block. It is very challenging and at the same time very demanding on the brain.

But when you actually find the important piece around which you can construct the other pieces, and that in a matter of minutes you have formed one section of the puzzle, it brings abundant joy.

That is how life is…. It is a jigsaw puzzle and every single experience you encounter is part of the big picture. And today I have this feeling that I have found the critical piece - The piece I was searching for the last five months; The piece which will decide how my future shapes; The piece which will bring me happiness.

Only time will tell, if I am right or wrong.

PS: Let me tell you a secret. My answer to the first question in this post is NO. :))) Yeah, you can laugh at me now!

Discoveries of the almost two year old

My son,

As I read the last few posts, I realize I have not recorded your discoveries aka activities. So, here is the list of what you are upto these days.
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I used to sing a lot of rhymes both in English and Tamil with exaggerated actions just to keep your attention on me. It helped in improving sitting tolerance, eye contact, and concentration. Now we have come to the next stage where irrespective of whatever actions I make, you look only at my lips. This has been happening for the last couple of weeks. Yesterday, as I left you alone with your toys, I heard you humming “hmm…hmm… hmm…hmm…hmmmm…hmmmm…..” in the same tune as the Tamil rhyme “amma inge va va…” I was all smiles the entire day!

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Kitchen has become your official play area, much to my despair. Pressure cooker and gas stove are your favorite toys, with mixie and grinder coming a close second. Every time I switch on the gas, you want me to carry you and see what I am cooking. Next step is you asking for the karandi (ladle / spatula). I normally say No to it. One time, when I was preparing dosa, mother’s love dominated the brain and I gave you the karandi. I am still repenting for it. Every time I make dosa, I will have to give you the karandi so that you can swap dosa’s sides. I just wish you have the same interest when you grow up. I will be more than happy to handover the kitchen to you. (Yeah, I have great foresight :))

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In continuation with previous point, at the close of the day when I clean all utensils, you want to put them in its proper place. Only problem in it is that you are interested only in the stand above the gas stove. You place the stand on the burner, take the gas lighter, and tap it on the burner. Thankfully, you still do not know that there is something called gas cylinder on the floor. I guess it’s a matter of time before I buy a lock for the kitchen door.

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I make you sit beside me whenever I do pooja. Before the readers think I am trying to make him spiritual, let me clarify it is more to ensure he is in my eyesight. You have seen me do the pooja every single day and now you think you have seen enough of it and want to do it yourself. For example, you want to light the diyas (thankfully you have not perfected the art of using matchbox), you want to light the agarbathis (thankfully they do not produce much light, so your interest has dwindled), and the last comes lighting the camphor and here is where the problem lies. Today, you held my hand near the camphor telling me to light it. I told you to wait. You asked again and my response was the same. You asked the third time and my response was the same. Then you took the camphor yourself and took it close to the diya. Thankfully, my brain acted fast enough to carry you away. It is getting tougher as each day passes.

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Daily walks with you are becoming tougher for me. On some days, you throw your smile at the vendors and they give you fruits or vegetables in return. I almost feel embarrassed to carry them in my hand. On other days, you want to go to all the brightly lit shops like jewellery shop. My son, let me tell you however broad you smile, no body will give you a single gram.

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Just because I travel with you mostly in auto does not mean we can go inside any auto at any time. The autowala gives me a hard look and I give him a very sheepish smile.

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Once I dress you up, which in itself is a tough job since you do not like applying powder or oil, you want to go out. It does not matter if I am not ready or I have to pack my bag. You just want to get out and keep on pulling my hand. If I ignore you, you follow me wherever I go until I open the gate. :)

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That’s it for now. Keep your discoveries coming. I am enjoying every single minute of it.