Don't speak please!!!

I have no idea what goes in the minds of the directors, who direct Tamil serials. I am watching these serials for the past one month, thanks to the people in the house. I listen to the title music of each serial and I really like them. I ignore everybody in this world, including my mom, and listen to the music and I am happy.

But my happiness lasts only for a few minutes. The moment I hear the dialogues my mood changes. What do these people think? They all fight, shout and then sit together and cry. The same continues for a few minutes. And thankfully, advertisement appears. I am sure I am the only person who appreciates these ads. Again, the title music plays and I am happy!

The same repeats every day from 7:30 p.m. to 9.00 p.m.

The above words will be spoken by the six month old baby at home in a few years. He loves the title music of the serials but the moment dialogues appear, he gives an expression of total despair. I wish to capture that someday!! :)

6 months!

My boy,

I just realized you complete six months today! SIX FULL MONTHS…. I just can’t believe I took care of a baby for six complete months (of course, with due credits to the grandparents). It’s quite unbelievable you know – my baby boy is six months old. At the same time when I see you, I also think how fast you are growing up. I already have so many clothes that do not fit you anymore.

I was filled with immense guilt for taking you away from your doting maternal grand parents and uncle. All your relatives are in Chennai and they all visit you every week and make you laugh like crazy. But, that’s how life is. So, I brought you to Bangalore, where all you can see is just me and your dad and your paternal grand mother. But now, I am totally motivated to use MY time with you qualitatively.

You have been a wonderful baby so far. *A BIG KAALA TIKKA* When I hear stories from friends about babies who wake up at 1:30 AM or who need to be kept in arms all through the night or who are afraid at the slightest of sounds or who seem to get some infection or the other, I send a quiet thank you note above. You are easy to manage.

I was afraid of travelling with you for five days continuously visiting some relative or a temple. I was afraid that your routine may get affected, you might become clingy, or you might catch some infection. But, I need not have worried. You were happy to look at the outside world and when you felt bored, you slept on my lap. I am thankful for that.

You have yet not started moving which is slightly disappointing to me. I will have to leave you and go to office in a couple of months. (GOSH… I can’t even think about that) So, please start moving early so that I can enjoy this time with you, playing with you and chasing you. Please-oh-please!!!

The debate on whom you resemble will never end, I think. There are many who tell me that you resemble me and there are a few (ok. ok more than a few) who say you resemble your dad. I really want to put an end to it. (Of course, you look like ME :))

There is just one request that I want to ask…
You know what, we have a big bed. But, I get a little more than a couple of inches to sleep. For someone who is as BIG as your mom, this is very little. So, stop moving in rounds during your sleep so that your mom can at least sleep on one side and not be afraid of falling off.

Finally, just like you do, keep smiling at your mom every time she looks at you and you can be sure all your needs and wishes will be taken care. :)

Love,
Mom

Innocence untouched

Last week, a lady came to my home to take some survey on products that people use. Her face was quite unique. There was very little skin in the neck and when she spoke it was as if the skin from her face was stretched to reach the body. It looked as if a few strings were connecting her face to the body and the strings moved as she spoke.

As she was speaking, I was wondering what deficiency she might have and does it actually cause any pain.

And what was the reaction of the almost 6 month infant?

Laughter.

Sometimes, life is just so simple. We tend to complicate it by looking at irrelevant things and forgetting the one that is most simple.

Musical Mother

Celebrating " FemInspiration" 100 years of celebrating Women's day. My entry for the same.

In this fast age when people hate to wait for anything and shift jobs ten times in five years to fasten their career growth, I am fortunate to meet women, who have tremendous patience and confidence, a combination which is becoming increasingly difficult to see. These are the women who recognize the difficulties ahead, who know that overcoming those difficulties will take years together, yet are prepared to face them without thinking about the final result.

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, after becoming a mother, my respect towards all the mothers and women in general, has increased tremendously. But, when I look at mothers of special children, I lose control over my emotions and my eyes become wet.

During my school holidays, I used to go to my uncle’s home for holidays. He lived in an apartment. My uncle’s neighbor was a college lecturer and had an awesome sense of humor. He would make me laugh for hours continuously. His wife sang so beautifully. She gave concerts and played Veena and her voice was totally mesmerizing. They had a daughter and a son. They surely looked happy and were always enthusiastic about life. At that young age, I thought they were all lucky to be happy always. (Not that I had any problems. But you know – Grass is greener on the other side :))

One day, when I was having dinner at my uncle’s home, there was a knock on the door. My uncle opened the door and the neighbor’s son came running inside, started shouting gibberish, behaved very different, and slapped me. I was puzzled and shocked. That is when I realized that the child had mental problems. He would start behaving abnormally some times and he would not stop until all his energy was exhausted.

That’s when I started looking at their family a little closer. Beneath all their happiness, I could also see their determination to create a positive atmosphere at home. In the morning, the aunt would teach her son Mridangam to channelize his energy. He did not go to school. So, she taught him lessons at home. She would prepare special dishes for him – all suggested by Ayurvedic doctors – which would take so much effort. She will never leave him alone. She will keep speaking to him, making him laugh. She would play simple games with him to develop his mind. In the evening, she will take him to the concerts she performed so that he got used to outside world.

And the best part was – She did all this every single day with no complaints or worries. She would also take good care of her daughter. She taught her Veena. Whenever I went to their home, she would speak to me so enthusiastically and would ask me about my day. She would include me in the games that she played with her son. When it was time for me to leave my uncle’s home, she would always gift me with something or the other.

Every summer, as I visited my uncle’s home, I was truly inspired. I could see the boy getting matured. The family atmosphere never changed. In fact it got better with the aunt and her daughter singing and playing Veena and the son accompanying them in Mridangam. Their major success came when he was admitted into a top school in sixth standard. Today, he is a graduate and plays Mridangam for top musicians in the city.

I keep thinking…….

How easy it would be to just complain about the child?

How easy it would be to take care of the child and forget everything else?

How easy it would be to just take care of his physical health and not the mental health?

How easy it would be to just think about family and forget the neighborhood kid?

How easy it would be to just let the neighborhood kid play with her son and forget her?

How easy it would be to keep the child in the home and cut off the external world?

And

How tough it should have been to accept that the kid is mentally challenged?

How tough it should have been to understand his needs?

How tough it should have been to visit multiple doctors – allopathy to ayurveda – and do every single thing that would help the kid?

How tough it should have been to live in an apartment with kids of the same age and understand the difference?

How tough it should have been for the couple to motivate themselves every single day to keep a positive home atmosphere?

How tough it should have been for her to teach him simple things that others perform so naturally?

How tough it should have been to come up with ideas to train the little mind?

She is truly a courageous woman – one who faced the challenge heads on with loads of patience, determination, and confidence, and changed the destiny of the child.

Men are what their mothers made them.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I realise....

Its more difficult to take a grand son away from grand parents than leaving your parents...
How should I react if all my relatives call me and cry over phone because I am taking away their loved grand son to Bangalore today?

Let me also add, these are the people who did not cry during my marriage.

Its even more difficult as I know that these grand parents love my son and will take care of him better than me.

I just hope I come back to Chennai soon and let my son enjoy their love and affection.

Being good is not enough

I got my appraisal today at work and I have been given “average” rating. There is a slight pain in the heart as I see it. Having been first in college and school, and having performed well in my first organization, I feel bad to get an average rating.

Suppose if I evaluate myself, this year I have been good at the jobs allocated to me. I have performed them to the best of my ability and the requestors have been happy. And that’s where it stops. I have not done anything beyond that. No initiatives taken. No new ideas contributed. I have also not attended any workshops / group activities. And since I had taken four months of maternity leave, I had also missed out on trainings and other new initiatives. So, I guess average is a fair assessment.

I think it is also a good time for me to answer a few questions about my career.

-> What is that you want from your career? Is it just the salary?

Definitely not. I want to take up challenging assignments, work on them, complete them successfully, and feel satisfied about my work.

-> With the above answer, you are aiming only for average rating even next year. Because until you contribute more than what is required, you can not obtain higher ratings. What is your take?

Correct. I should come out of my comfort zone and try to look for ways to improve myself and team. Let me think about these and develop a plan.

-> Do I have any long term goal?

Not really. I have never been someone who set long term goals.

-> What do I want to do the next year? Do I want to continue doing the same or I would like to grow into newer roles?

Well, this is the toughest question to answer. With a baby, I have no clue how much time I will be able to devote to my work.

Ideally next year I would like to be good at my job but also be proactive in identifying areas of improvement, finding ways to deliver more value to the team and be a team player. I hope this is a realistic target for me and I will be able to balance work and family.

-> How long do I plan to work from home?

I should motivate myself to be back in work as soon as possible. From April, I should be able to go back to office. Of course, this would mean I sort out a lot of personal issues and establish a strong support system at home. This is a big challenge and I hope things fall in place.

So, the action now is to constantly look for ways to improve and be proactive.

When will all these stop??

One of my aunt’s friends is a single mother, who lives in a good residential locality in Chennai. Her daughter studies in X standard in a leading school in Chennai.

A month back, the girl came home from school with very high fever. She did not speak to anyone, did not eat, and looked petrified. In spite of giving her antibiotics, the fever did not subside. When she had 104 degrees for four days continuously, her mother called my aunt and asked her what to do. My aunt tried to speak to the girl and ask her what happened. The girl did not respond. My aunt asked her mom to stay outside and asked the girl what had happened after giving her confidence that she will support her completely. And this is what the girl has said.

The physical trainer of the school has misbehaved with the girl. You know what would have happened. I don’t need to explain it. When my aunt told the girl’s mother, she just broke down. The next day she went to the school and told them what had happened. Looks like, the teachers already knew that the girl had a problem with PT class. She used to cry not to attend the class and would prefer writing her home work. And the teachers have forced her to attend the class. Irresponsible teachers they are! Couldn’t they think straight and ask what had happened? And if the girl was afraid, could not they inform the same to parents. And the school management has said they will take extra care of the girl, but can not do anything else since the reputation of the school will get affected. The mother has decided to change the school next year since this year she had board exams.

When will all these stop? I am sure most of the women would have faced such physical trainers or teachers or office colleagues or bus conductors or co-passengers or such perverts on the road. I have faced them and I am sure most of the women would have. Some women have the strength to stare at them, to shout at them, to slap them, to spray pepper on them, to pinch them with safety pin, to hit them with their shoes or what not.

But some women are like the girl in this case. I personally know the mom and the girl. Both are very beautiful. They are very soft-spoken people. The girl’s mom faced lot of physical and psychological troubles in her marriage before she came out of it. And because of her beauty, she still has problems from other men who try to marry her and keep troubling her. So, naturally they try to avoid strangers and are very reserved. Hence, it needed a lot of effort to make the girl open her heart. Sad but true!

How can parents avoid such situations? Listed below are few points that I can think. Please let me know your thoughts!

• Select a school closer to home. That gives the child immense confidence and will avoid most of these issues.
• Drop and pick up the child yourself or ask your relative or neighbor to do so. Invariably, the sight of a parent in school will stop these. Also, it gives you a chance to know the children and their environment.
• Know all the teachers so that your child knows that you will speak to the teacher whenever any problem occurs.
• Allow your child’s friends to come home. You can learn a lot about the school from their conversation.
• Educate the child to protect herself. There is no point in being afraid.